Time to get dirty

Well, it's about that time where I try something out that could end in a horrible tragedy. It involves putting myself on what I'm told is the front line of a very dangerous battle. Yes that's right, I'm going to try sledging Scientology.

Now I'm sure that this doesn't really sound all that bad, but if even 50% of the stories I've heard are true, I could wind up with my finances assulted and laid waste to, or worse yet, my ass in a sling. Still, I hate that damn "religion" so the hell with them. Maybe I'll repent of my sins when my psychyatrist freezes me in place, leaves me near a volcano and hits me with a slammin' hydrogen bomb... then again, probably not.

So where do I start? Do I bring up that it was founded by a guy that was a well known science-fiction author or perhaps that he was himself seeing one of the evil psychyatrists that his "church" are so against? How about the fact that there is documentation that he had a bet with a fellow author to see who could start a cult the fastest? Well I could start there I suppose, but that would just be too easy and as much as I'd love to just beat them down with cold hard evidence, my tastes lead me to use other methods. If fear is the mind killer, logic is the blade with which it can be slain. As such, today, logic will be my 'gleaming katana' in the fight against ignorance.

Normally, I don't like to bash away at others beliefs but honestly, I've really only had experience with what we'll call 'traditional' ones. That is to say faiths that are thousands of years old. So let's take a walk on the wild side and have a look at why starting a new religion has become a little tougher shall we?

First off, science. Cold, hard, unfeeling and remorseless in the chimeras that it slays. Back in the days of Jesus (or even before that if you like), there wasn't the technology that we have now. If that's a shock to you, walk away now. Moving along though, if a guy walked on water, that was a damned miricle! It was just a tad difficult to quantify how the fucker did it and as such, you would take note. Now, I don't know if Jesus managed that for real or not and I wont untill at least next may when I finish my time machine and go take a look for myself. The thing is though that now, if someone claims a miricle, we can go try figure it out. There are still quite a number of things that we can't explain when it comes to religious phenomonons, but at least they are there.

What exactly has good old L. Ron given us that either can't be explained except through Scientology or can be proven to be true with scientific study? See that was a rhetorical question, because I'm going to tell you. Nothing. What they have is their 'e-meter'. We are all aware that all it does is measure the electrical resistance of the person attached to it right? I bet if I changed my diet to decrease the resistance that the little charge comes up against I could score some kick ass points on that thing! Note to self, rig small copper wire across body from hand to hand and request an 'Audit'. The cool part is that this very same machine was once used as an aid to psychology. I love that 'steal their toys and claim that their ours' attitude that these people have. To add some extra cool to this arguement, the people that say they feel better after an 'audit' really do feel better. Then again, that would be because our wonderful science has allowed us to figure out that when you pass a mild, non-lethal charge through the human body, it likes to release endorphins. For any scientologist that happens to stumble across this, endorphins have also been proven by science to make you feel good.

For now, I'm going to leave it there because this post is becoming an essay. If you want more, hit the 'Operation Clambake' link that I've posted and see how that grabs you. In the words of Jesus and passed on by Henry Rollins: "I'm gone for now, but when I come back, you mother fuckers better jump!"

-Salem

"THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN CONTROL PEOPLE IS TO LIE TO THEM. You can write that down in your book in great big letters. The only way you can control anybody is to lie to them."

- L. Ron Hubbard, "Off the Time Track," lecture of June 1952, excerpted in JOURNAL OF SCIENTOLOGY issue 18-G, reprinted in TECHNICAL VOLUMES OF DIANETICS & SCIENTOLOGY, vol. 1, p. 418