Need some help?

Well, I have to say thanks to Sarah Jayne for this one. It really is one of the better forwards I've ever seen as is evidenced by the fact that I'm posting it up.

I must confess that given the chance to write a column that delt with this sort of thing, my responses would be fairly similar. God I love messing with people's heads!

-Salem
I wonder what happens when I put the electrodes... here!

The Ministry of Truth

Yes, that was a reference to George Orwell's "1984" and perhaps you should be a little afraid. If you can't muster any fear, then at least join me in some confusion. Things today... they were a little weird. Let's start at the beginning though shall we?

On the way to work this morning, Frejak and I were talking as we often do and she mentioned to me that while playing one of their regular work games with Visure (they both work in the same office sometimes as they both work for the Queensland Government), she had come across an anomaly. It seems that on May 23rd of 2007, there are 23 patients for the Royal Children's Hospital entered simply as "Victim, Disaster" with their next of kin listed as the emergency ward. Frejak tells me that this sort of thing is only supposed to happen when the patient can't be identified. I'm also told that the RCH won't treat anyone over the age of 14.

Still with me? Let's recap. 23 unidentified children in the RCH records. I've spent the day scouring the net for any news article that matches those figures and haven't come up with anything. As an interesting aside, there are rumors of a code brown at the RCH for around that time and another one that they 'replaced' all the lab animals around a similar time. I'm intrigued. Some people have put forward that the records are simply part of someone doing training, but again, why 23 and why would they not be removed after the training was complete? Even more curious is why wouldn't they use the training DB that they have specifically for this sort of training? It's also been suggested that it could be data corruption, but again, if the names and next of kin had been digitally wiped somehow, wouldn't it make more sense to mark the entry as something other than "Disaster Victim"?

I'll leave that one with you... for now.

-Salem
Keeper of secrets

Photosynth and Seadragon

Don't stop, just hit the link and watch:

TED

-Salem
Keeper of shadows

One more for the road...

"That was a great take Kiera, but I'd like to get just one or two more of you dripping wet in your underware, Ok?"

-Salem
Just like Kurisowa I make mad films, 'k I don't make films, but if I did they'd have a samurai!

Always outnumbered, never outgunned!

Well, we have a new guy starting today. He's Civil. I don't mean civil 'he's quite polite', I mean civil 'he's one of them'. I'm a structural drafter and in my office, that makes me a minority. There's one structural engineer/drafter and me. That's it. The other 10 or so drafters are civil. I suppose I could add the civil engineers to that, but I don't need that.

In time, I hope to elevate my singularity to a more lofty perch. I know that there's another structural guy, but he's first and foremost an engineer. What I'm hoping is that by being the only dedicated structural drafter, I will be able to pick and choose what goes on around me much like the old kings of France. I figure my blood line is pretty close so why the hell not?

Since I know that this is only for my amusement and doesn't mean much to anyone else, I've decided to sweeten the deal for you. Here's some Jessica Alba.

-Salem
Enjoy!

My new favorite attack!

You cant see this, but I'm trying as hard as I can to cockpunch you with my mind.

-Salem
Keep staring and it'll be you I try this on!

Magic Hands! (and they're not mine for a change)

Ok, this is another one I found on Fark, but it's so good, I had to put it up. On a recent trip to Albania, George W. had his watch stolen by someone in a crowd of 'supporters'. I'm so glad that it didn't happen here or we'd be up for another 50 years of convict jokes. Anyhow, here's the video footage. He loses his watch at about the 1 minute mark, so watch carefully:

Bonus time! The White House have claimed that the presidents watch wasn't stolen! No, he just very quickly took it off and put it in his pocket so as not to catch on anyone or anything in the crowd. Wow! This guy is beter than Clinton and his sax any day. He can undo the buckle on his watch using the same hand that the watch is strapped to!!! Do another trick Mr. President, pleeeeeeeease?

Fark-tastic!

I don't know what I like more about Fark, the articles or the blurbs that they get posted under. This is going to be an on-going list of some of my all-time faves.

• A protein in squids can bend light, warp space and time, transport spice
• Greenville SC kills reading program, keeps pizza party: Why is our children fat?
• Hundreds run through San Francisco in gorilla suits to protect endangered species, scare bejesus out of Charlton Heston
• Australian entrepreneurs selling sand to Saudi Arabia. Ice to Eskimos deal being investigated by drug squad
• Music fans to compete in the World Air Guitar Championships, after which entrants will snort baking soda and make out with pretend groupies
• Jessica Alba wants to have one-night stands because she loves to experiment with sex. The Sun is there, along with an endless line of guys
• Here comes the science: people who play video games are better at driving, surgery, killing hordes of lurching demons
• Cop charged with having sex with 14-year-old prostitute; reportedly scheduled to be shot soon by Robert DeNiro
• The saddest and most heroic wedding photo you may ever see
• U.S. tourist killed by rogue gymnast in Romania. Heh, heh, just kidding. It was a bear
• Australian woman humped to death
• Best. perp. name. ever
• Satan purchases ad space to vent his frustration with local church (w/photo)

I'm going to try very hard not to get carried away. Let's see how it goes.

-Salem
It's not just news, it's something else!

American logic strikes again.

Here's an article that highlights why Australians have such a low opinion of Americans in general. I think you should read it very carefully.

Casino bans author of Word for being lucky

Submitted by Paul McNamara on
Thu, 06/07/2007 - 2:42pm.

Gambling is for suckers ... and I love it anyway.

But the truth of the first part is what makes this next part so unfathomable: The casino moguls at Harrah's Entertainment have barred Richard "Quiet Lion" Brodie - best known as the original author of Microsoft Word - from gambling in or entering any of its properties, including Caesar's Palace, home of the World Series of Poker.

Brodie's crime?

No, he didn't cheat.

He's been too lucky.

Brodie explains on his blog:

On May 10, Harrah's sent certified letters to several high rollers informing them that their business was no longer wanted at Caesars Palace or any of the other Harrah's properties in Nevada, California, and Arizona. I was one of them. I called the office of Tom Jenkins, regional vice president, and got a call back from Terry Byrnes, the VP of customer service. He told me I was being 86ed because they couldn't figure out how to make a profit off me.

Now understand, the only games I play are poker and video poker. In poker, the house makes a 100% guaranteed profit straight off the top. In video poker, the house controls every aspect of the game: the pay tables, the amount of the house edge, and the promotions and incentives they offer. There is no way to use skill - or even cheat - to beat video poker. You can't count cards. You can't peek at the dealer's hole card. It's a machine. The best you could possibly hope for is to play computer-perfect, which I don't, and even if that were possible the machine still has a maximum theoretical payout chosen by the casino. The only thing the casino can't control is luck. One reason I like video poker is because you can get lucky and win. You hit a royal flush every 40,000 hands or so. If you're lucky enough to hit two, you're ahead! If you hit three, you're ahead for a long time!

Boy, have I been lucky at Harrah's.

I hit four huge royal flushes in the last year at three of the Las Vegas Harrah's properties. Not surprisingly, I'm ahead, although I've put 80% of it back. This seems to rub them the wrong way. But I have trouble imagining the thought process that would cause someone to decide that kicking out one of your most loyal customers is an appropriate solution to the problem of him having extremely good luck. If they think the machines are too loose, make them tighter. If they think they are giving me too much in comps, give less. They control every aspect of the game. Except luck. And kicking out players who have been lucky makes about as much sense as banning people from playing the lottery because they win it.

Doesn't make a lick of sense. Of course, it just goes to show that the private interests who control gambling in this country are every bit as unprincipled and hypocritical as the government interests who share that control.

You need to be a poker player to understand Brodie's anguish at being denied his seat at the World Series of Poker.

But you don't even need to be a gambler to understand the stupidity and injustice here.

And here's the source: Network World

Now, I understand that there are a few smart people over in the U.S. but this just grinds my gears. Don't mess with a guy that's got a spot at the World Poker Championship! Actually, just don't mess with people who play poker. It's just not right.

-Salem
Sore losers? Nah.... couldn't be. It's a casino, they never lose!

That dog won't hunt Monsegnior.

For those of you that wish to avoid hearing me voice my opinions on 'Architects', please leave now. I know that since I've started working in the civil sector as opposed to the industrial sector I've started to go on about this more and more. To try and save a few friends, I think it vital to start giving you fair warning when I'm about to revisit this topic. Here it is:

Disclaimer: I am about to let loose some venom-filled verbal abuse about how useless architects are. There will be excruciatingly broad generalisations and most importantly, a lot of humiliation and dishonour heaped high upon them. If for some reason you suffer from a serious brain deficiency and are sympathetic to their plights, turn away now.

Start of Rant:
I have but two very simple, yet poignant questions that I wish to ask of architects. This is problematic as I fear that many of them can not communicate with normal humans any more. I suppose that if I was willing I could source an ape that, while having learned sign language, still enjoys slinging its own feces at other apes and ask if it would be willing to act as some sort of go-between for myself and the first of these raving mad-men that I managed to capture. The main reason that I am not embarking on this 'epic quest of discovery' is that I think the overwhelming urge to 'cleanse' the wayward soul from the earth would be too strong for me to resist. Never the less, I will press on and ask my questions. I may never receive an answer that makes any sense, but whose fault will that be? Not mine sir, not mine.

My first question is the one that causes me the most pain. How can an architect working in a CAD program not manage to draw with any sort of accuracy what so ever? I make a living working inside a CAD program. Granted, I use AutoCAD which is one of the high-end programs for computer aided drawing, but honestly... even people in MS Paint manage to get lines to connect at corners, so what could you possibly offer as an excuse? When I say that I find it more inconvenient to not connect lines at intersections or draw them at the correct length, you should realise that I am very serious. As I said, this causes me a great deal of pain because drawing accurately is so very simple in CAD programs that you would have to make an effort to be so thoroughly hopeless.

And now for my second question. It may seem a little more philosophical than the first but still, I don't think that it should really be as hard to answer as an architect would want you to believe. What is the good of an architect? In years gone by, I could understand it. Back in the glory days of architecture, these men and women were pinnacles of creativity and knowledge. There was a time when the architect was not only designing the way a structure would look, but also how it would manage to stay standing. They were in short vital to the expansion of society. Now, they have fallen. We have engineers who are much more able to make a structure withstand the conditions that they will need to face in order to keep erect. We have landscapers to arrange the gardens and surrounding greenery. There are interior decorators that can work wonders with the internal space of any structure offered them. Then of course there are the humble drafters who at the direction of a client can lay out their visions of grandeur accurately within the digital realm. I have in the past, drawn up structures clear enough to be understood by even the most common of clients and which are still perfect for use by the builders. Not a 2D person? No problem! I can turn practically any set of 2D's into a 100% accurate 3D model in no time. So if there are all these people that can do everything an architect used to, why are they still plaguing me with their useless scribblings that cost me more time to try and correct than if I just redew the whole thing myself?

Mark my words, as soon as I have my qualifications and can call myself not just a 'cadet structural drafter' but a 'structural design drafter', I'm going to start doing my best to push these repugnant remnants out of the market. I may once have trained to join their ranks, but right now were Satan himself standing between me and the first person to now confuse me with one of their kind, then tomorrow Jesus would be advertising for a new Lord of Hell. Who knows, I may even apply for the job. Since most of the people there are likely to be either lawyers, accountants or architects, I think I could be just the man they'd need.
End of Rant.

Sorry about that. Just needed to vent some frustration.

-Salem
What? Did you really think Zen meant no anger?

Another day, another... Gimme the god-damned cash!

I feel like crap. I've spent the last week or so collecting up enough minor physical annoyances to create for myself a head cold and I have at last succeeded. So, in celebration of my new found illness, here's a picture of Jesse Custer.

I'm going to go lie down in the cupboard here at work for a while now. Leave me in peace.

-Salem
I'm sick, what more do you want from me?

Only I may dance!

So you know, I back-dated this to coincide exactly with the 6 month anniversary of the blog. None but I may back-date without permission! Cheer up though. If you're here now, you get a free picture of me dancing.

Ok, so it's not me. But the kitty has permission to dance in my place. We shall call him 'Mono' and all will once again be right with the universe. Enjoy the 6 months dammit. I've rambled enough now, so it's over to the rest of my crew. Take it away crew.... crew?

-Salem
Happy 6 months all, now where's my crew at?

Ше каи наs anфтнея cфld шая?

Oh how I love the way that looks as a title...

Ron's House!

So now you know whose house it is. Anyhow, just finished playing pool here at the office and I really don't want to get back to work. Thankfully, I haven't got any deadlines at the moment, so I'm likely to just be lazy for the afternoon... yeah, like that's a big change in my work habits.

Enough of that though, lets talk house. We have the lease signing tomorrow at 11am, we get keys on the 5th and we're doing the inspection report (or 'Inspectino Report' if you want to get all Latin-American about it) on Friday the 8th. One week till we move... I should really start packing!

-Salem
It's like we only die because we accept it as an inevetability.... whaaah!