I are be presenting a Award!

Here, I present to you the winner of the San Jose State University's 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, Mr. Jim Gleeson. He has mangled our language to such an extent that after reading this, you will lose 37 of your 5 senses. Permanently. I should also mention that the aim of this particular contest is to find the worst possible example of such a literary train-wreck to serve as only the first sentence of a nonexistent work of fiction. Enjoy!

Gerald began - but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten per cent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them 'permanently' meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash - to pee,

The only positive thing about this is that he had to try to do such damage. In fact, this was one of 20 entries that he submitted. The most disheartening however is that teenagers these days would still find it perfectly acceptable. I weep for the future. Did I remember to mention that the 37 senses you just lost was permanent, and that permanent does not mean just for the next 10 minutes?

-Salem
At least it wasn't written in 'Contracted Text Message' or I'd have killed myself.

Dead & Alive?

$4175.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth. From Mingle2 - Free Online Dating

If only I could use the promise of my own corpse as security for a car loan...

-Salem
"In case of death, burn me so I don't come back as a zombie and eat your brains."

The Red Swingline Stapler

"...and I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire..."

-Salem
Don't mess with Milton's red Swingline stapler...

Ill Niño - What Comes Around

Well, since Frejak is looking for new music and I happen to have listened to some that she hasn't, I figured that I'd share one now too. This is the original version and I have a hard time choosing between this and the 'day of the dead' (or DOTD) mix featured on the Res Evil album. Either way, sneak a peek.



I just know that Frejak got a kick out of that. There's nothing that can send a chill up your spine like harmonic metal and this with a latino twist, awsome! Go on, just try and deny it... in your hearts, you know it to be true.

-Salem
Metal Lord signing off.

Disturbed

http://www.ifilm.com/video/2789279


brilliant! shiney! and damn its put me in the best mood for my interview! can't wait to head out

Rock Concert Movement #237:

Taking the audience on a Jungian journey into the collective unconscious, using the shadow as a metaphor for the primal self that gets repressed by the modern persona and also by using an underground setting and labyrinth office design to represent both the depths of the psyche and the dungeon-like isolation of our increasingly mechanistic society which prevents people from finding satisfying work or meaningful connections with others.

-Salem
The links will help you understand the complexities of #237

Just a quick reminder

Thought you should all know:

I ROCK, you got that? I fuckin' ROCK!

Sweet. I feel much better knowing that you know that.

-Salem
Always outnumbered, Never outgunned.