Showing posts with label News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label News. Show all posts

Tuesday, 1 April 2008

Morally Bankrupt: The Wobsite

Well, I've started whoring up Google's 'Google Pages' thingy and thus Morally Bankrupt: The Wobsite is now operational. There's nothing there yet, but it shows I'm willing to commit a good 2 minutes to this wonderful new project.

Currently, MB:TW can be found at:
http://lord.salem.googlepages.com/home
That wob address may or may not change at any given moment as is dictated by my whims and Google's willingness to allow such an option. I wasn't kidding about the 2 minutes, so I don't have a clue what I can actually do with Google Pages yet.

Lastly, I will likely never come back and alter the site links in this post, so if they don't work anymore it's your responsability to check Morally Bankrupt: The Blarg (that's what you're reading from right now as opposed to the The Wobsite which you're trying to find) and find the correct location.

-Salem
I'm all about the interwob and it's tube/truck technologies.
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Thursday, 6 March 2008

He will be Critically Missed

It is with great sadness that I say goodbye to a legend. Gary Gygax was one of the co-founders of D&D rolled his last natural 20 on Tuesday. He retired Mordenkainen, Failed his save vs. death magic, went ethereal and has taken the first step to lichdom.

It truely is a sad moment to know this. Along with many gamers I just wanted to take the time to acknowledge Gygax and the fantasitc things he has done to unlock worlds of imagination for so many people like myself.

Every gamer owes him a nod a respect - and maybe every gamer should sit his or her best d20 aside at your next gaming session, let that best & most favored die belong to him for the evening.

Gary didn't make us popular, or make us fit in with the general mass population of our schools and neighborhoods. He didn't empower us to do great things to earn our way into those groups... What he gave us was exactly what people like us wanted. A way to come together and hang out with others that enjoyed the same thing. To tell hilarious jokes that no one else understands and quote monty python. To sink into a world of power, fear, imagination and stunning feats.

May Galstaff sorcerer of light guide you.

Please join me in 1d6 moments of silence



Image from www.penny-arcade.com
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Friday, 21 December 2007

Oh yeah, I went there...

How dull is my life? Well, I've just managed my new record in Penguin and I'm posting about it. 'Nuff said.


-Salem
No sir, you are quite correct. I have no life.
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Wednesday, 24 October 2007

Sweet Zombie Hanuman

For those of you who know me you know I like Monkeys. Well not monkeys themselves but the word monkeys amuses me. For that same reason Hanuman makes my brain twitch with amusement. Hanuman is the Hindu monkey god.

As such, devout Hindus believe that monkeys are the manifestation of Hanuman and will generally feed monkeys nuts and bananas when given the opportunity.

Now I know what seagulls are like when they get used to people throwing them the odd chip, I would imagine that monkeys are somewhat bolder and craftier, and they're be fed in a religious fevor, not surprising this has caused some issues.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/7055625.stm

I just can pass up a news article that starts with the statement "The deputy mayor of the Indian capital Delhi has died a day after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys"

The second paragraph is good too, but I'll leave you to read that.

What I think I love the most though is the cities response to dealing with these wayward monkeys. Train bigger monkeys to beat up the monkeys causing a problem. How neat, how beautiful, and nothing could go wrong with the idea of training big monkeys to beat things up.
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Tuesday, 9 October 2007

And We're Back!

Not that anyone would really have noticed, but most of us here at MB have been away at a wedding. Frejak, Visure, Crumples and myself have spent a rousing week down on the lovely mid-north coast of New South Wales. It was a lot of fun (and a lot of hard work) but on the whole, well worth the effort. Kahn and Kallisar joined us for the last 3 days of our stay and the wedding itself was beautiful.

Now we're all back, I expect that we'll get back to posting random things here and there, but for me personally, I'll have to get back into the swing of things before I start creating any works of genius that will echo down the halls of time. Give me time, I'm sure I'm building up to something, you'll see.

-Salem
Do you think we can get grass seeds to germinate and grow on an animated zombie?
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Tuesday, 25 September 2007

Behold! 'The Kahn' Cometh!

Today marks the 26th year of the presence of 'The Kahn'. It is an illustrious occasion and here's a brief history of events that have foretold his greatness!

Events


Births

Pretty impressive list isn't it? Hope you're having a good one Kahn. Long life and good health to you my friend.

-Salem
I'm a co-conspirator! Yay for me!
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Monday, 24 September 2007

Black Bear Attacks, Rapes, Zookeeper

Here's a little dog-bites-man tale we couldn't resist! Except replace "dog" with "850-pound black bear"! And "bites" with "anally violate"!

Yes, last Saturday a zookeeper at the Metropolitan Zoo had "claws" for alarm when he was attacked and raped by the same black bear he had raised from a cub! Geez, talk about gratitude!

"It was horrible, just horrible," sobbed an eyewitness. Guess she sure got an eyeful!

The bear, named "Barry," attacked zookeeper Ron Gilks as Gilks entered the cage to give him dinner. Barry lunged at his throat, goring him with his huge claws and razor-sharp teeth. Some of the claw marks were three-quarters of an inch deep. Ouch!

Then, astonished onlookers could "bearly" believe what happened next - Barry began to brutally rape zookeeper Gilks!

Frantic zookeepers rushed for rifles as others tried to divert the bear. But there was no stopping Barry! This bear kept "bearing down," and Gilks just had to grin and "bear" it! Maybe Barry was mistaking him for his "honey"!

Gilks was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. A full quart of bear semen was extracted from his ruptured chest cavity. And that's no small Boo-Boo!

Barry's 27-inch phallus, armed with guard hairs as sharp as red-hot needles, shot through Gilks' rectum, shattered his lower spine and skewered his colon, causing his entire lower torso to "cave" in! Yikes! Bet that wasn't the type of "cave" you had in mind when you took up zookeeping, Mr. Gilks!

And can you imagine Gilks' surprise when Barry's putrid ursine semen flooded his ruptured chest cavity? (By the way, Mr. Gilks, whatever cologne you've been wearing, where can the public get some?)

Finally, zookeeper Eric Pulliam shot Barry with a tranquilizer gun and pulled Gilks from the cage. The unconscious bear was later destroyed. Hey, this "Yogi" made a major "Boo-Boo"!

"I have worked with dangerous animals before," zoo director Kate Donegal said. "But never have I seen any animal sexually assault a human being." "Barry"? Try "Scary"!

Meanwhile, Gilks was pronounced dead at an area hospital - but at least he died grinning and bearing it! No doubt, this episode gives new meaning to the term, "Do not feed the bears!"

Copyright 1996 ONION, INC., All Rights Reserved.


I was thinking of making a few jokes here myself, but honestly, what more could I say? What I can't fathom is why a story like this was taken down... go figure. Ahh well, here is the one place I know that you can still find it with any sort of reliable ease.

-Salem
Bearly containing the laughter inside. Tragic.
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Friday, 21 September 2007

Fatty Fat Fat!!!

In the news, firefighters in Lansing, Michigan used a forklift to remove a 900-pound man from his home. For those of you who couldn't be bothered converting, thats 410 Kg.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/14147898/detail.html

Now just to put things in perspective, i'm a fat guy. At 6'5" i'm also a tall guy. Which means I have space to hide the fat before it becomes noticable that I carry a lot of weight. I weigh 130 Kg and it's noticable that i'm overweight.

That aside it's not the guys weight (at least not just the guys weight) that has made me want to comment on this item of news. After all the man has Prader-Willi Syndrome, and that makes him feel hungry all the time. Yes he new and could have done more, eaten better, worked off what he would eat with excersise, but i'm willing to cut him a little more slack then I normally would.

Still, there is plenty of humor to be found in this story.

My favorite part is the nurse who called firefighters because, in her professional opinion, the 900-pound man “needed medical help.” Kudos to her. A lesser nurse might have missed the signs.

The man’s brother believes the 900-pound man used his credit card to have food delivered. I wonder how the delivery guy felt. I don’t mean to be cruel, but in that situation, is there any way to NOT feel like Han Solo visiting Jabba the Hutt? And how do you hand a pizza to a 900-pound guy? I’m no hero; I think I’d toss the food in his general direction, scream like a little girl, and jump out the second-story window. That’s how I roll.

And what is up with the pizza place that presumably delivered to him five times a day? Did it ever concern them that their Customer of the Month was two pizzas away from creating an event horizon in his bowels?
"Hey mister McCaul, got your pizza here."
"Just throw it into my gravity field I can't get up at the moment, I need to take a crap and each one weighs as much as a thousand suns."
Sure we may have found dark matter to fuel intergalactic travel but at what cost?

One of the neighbors was interviewed by the press. Her name is Cresha Outlaw. That’s right, her name is Outlaw. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH LANSING, MICHIGAN??? I’m not finding anything in this story that is making me want to visit. As for Ms Outlaw, I can't even fathom why they spoke with her, all she said was "I had no idea". I could have said that.

This is the sort of publicity that makes it hard to recruit firemen. It’s a noble profession, but there’s nothing good that happens after your boss says, “Kenny, get the forklift and a tarp"

I feel sorry for firemen in general. Every western society seems to have the same break up:

Ambulance - You guys get to deal with all the sick/injured people.
ambulance guys "makes sence it's what we trained for."

Police - You guys get to deal with all aspects of law breaking and some basic dispute resulution, yes even the dumb ass drunks.
police guys "can we hold our gun sideways to make it look cooler?"

Firemen - You get to drive around putting out fires in a big ass truck, you have to run into buildings that everyone else is fleeing and every instict you have is telling you "wrong way - go back!"
fire guys "Well it does sound fun, and we get to slide down those polls right?"
We haven't finished yet. You also have the smallest budget. You also have to get all the stupid jobs, if a cat is stuck up a tree you'll be there. If a possum falls down a drain pipe, you'll be there. If a tree falls on a house, you'll be there. If a fat guy needs to be cut out of his house, you'll be there. Basically if we don't know who to call, you get to fix it.
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For the love of sugary treats.

Who gives a carp (yes, CARP) about orphans? Or the thousands of people dying from diarrhea related complications? Or even tiny little skeleton kids? Not me. I care about me, and maybe some of you. So as an extension of this, the only things that get my attention are horrible tragedies that directly affect me, and maybe some of you. So it is with deep regret that I must draw your attention to possibly one of the greatest tragedies of the 21st century – Kellogg’s Pop Tarts are no longer readily available in the Australian market.

I’ve known this for a while but only recently did the true horror of the situation become clear to me. We can acquire Pop Tarts, oh yes we can, but they are imports, only for sale in a select few Australian stores and only for abominable prices. Since when did this dietary staple become an elitist food? How are sugar addicted people supposed to afford these insane prices (more than $16 for a box!) without having to take drastic measures?

“What can I do?” You may ask yourself. “I’m just one person…” but together we are many and we can accomplish things! There may not be enough Apple Cinnamon Pop Tarts in the world to save those little skeleton kids, but we can still save us!
And so I say Pop Tarts for all, not just the rich - sign this petition and fight the good fight!

http://www.gopetition.com.au/petitions/pop-tarts-australia.html

Also, I am new here…so hi!
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Thursday, 23 August 2007

This Week in the News

Well as some of you may know it has been an interesting and hilarious week in the news. Here are just some of the fantastic things to have happened this week:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20347997/

A 60 year old Brisbane woman was killed by a pet camel that was given to her as a birthday present. Not getting the funny bit? Here you are the camel killed the woman by sitting on her in what is expected to have been a mating ritual.

The fate of the camel is not known.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/08/20/bear.death.reut/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

A 23 year old Serb was found dead and half-eaten in the bear cage of Belgrade Zoo at the weekend during the annual beer festival.
The man was found naked, with his clothes lying intact inside the cage. Two adult bears, Masha and Misha, had dragged the body to their feeding corner and reacted angrily when keepers tried to recover it.

It was suggested that the guy was either drunk, or on drugs, or at the very least an idiot. My money is on all three. Consider your own checkered past. There’s a good chance that you’ve been drunk at one time, on drugs at one time, and even an idiot at one time. But I’ll bet you never climbed into a bear’s cage. For that sort of thing, you usually need the trifecta: drunk, stupid, and on LSD.
I say “usually” because you don’t absolutely need to be drunk, stupid and on LSD. You could also be religious. There was a similar story last year, where a guy climbed into a lion’s cage and yelled something about God protecting him. That turned out to be bad luck. The guy managed to find the ONE lion that God loves more than people.
Now before you accuse me of making fun of religious people or start wondering why I am since I am a religious person, I am not saying that every believer will allow himself to be eaten by a lion. What I’m saying is that sometimes it could be a bear. And sometime they know not to be quite so zelous.
The best part of the bear-eats-man story is that the police found several cell phones and beer cans in the bear’s cage. That leads me to believe this could be a talking bear, and he’s a repeat offender.

Also curious in the article they mention as I have above the his clothes were off and intact, but make no further reference as to why that would be. I wonder what a talking bear offers to intice such actions.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20227400/site/newsweek/

In one of history's more absurd acts of totalitarianism, China has banned Buddhist monks in Tibet from reincarnating without government permission. According to a statement issued by the State Administration for Religious Affairs, the law, which goes into effect next month and strictly stipulates the procedures by which one is to reincarnate, is "an important move to institutionalize management of reincarnation."

Simply brilliant don't you think.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070820/od_afp/entertainmentbritain

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf was embarrassed by the accident, yet he was not embarrassed by his regular act. This implies that there is a NON-embarrassing way to hump a vacuum cleaner in front of a crowd. If you aren’t curious to see Captain Dan’s act now, you’re dead inside.
I wonder if Captain Dan has trouble getting girls. On one hand, he’s famous. That must help. And the ladies do love a man with dust-free nuts. He’s got that working for him. On the other hand, when you have a Hoover doing a Clinton on your Johnson five nights a week, it sets the bar high. His girlfriends must be tired of hearing “Seriously. Have you even started yet?”
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Friday, 13 July 2007

Just a quick reminder

Thought you should all know:

I ROCK, you got that? I fuckin' ROCK!

Sweet. I feel much better knowing that you know that.

-Salem
Always outnumbered, Never outgunned.
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Friday, 22 June 2007

The Ministry of Truth

Yes, that was a reference to George Orwell's "1984" and perhaps you should be a little afraid. If you can't muster any fear, then at least join me in some confusion. Things today... they were a little weird. Let's start at the beginning though shall we?

On the way to work this morning, Frejak and I were talking as we often do and she mentioned to me that while playing one of their regular work games with Visure (they both work in the same office sometimes as they both work for the Queensland Government), she had come across an anomaly. It seems that on May 23rd of 2007, there are 23 patients for the Royal Children's Hospital entered simply as "Victim, Disaster" with their next of kin listed as the emergency ward. Frejak tells me that this sort of thing is only supposed to happen when the patient can't be identified. I'm also told that the RCH won't treat anyone over the age of 14.

Still with me? Let's recap. 23 unidentified children in the RCH records. I've spent the day scouring the net for any news article that matches those figures and haven't come up with anything. As an interesting aside, there are rumors of a code brown at the RCH for around that time and another one that they 'replaced' all the lab animals around a similar time. I'm intrigued. Some people have put forward that the records are simply part of someone doing training, but again, why 23 and why would they not be removed after the training was complete? Even more curious is why wouldn't they use the training DB that they have specifically for this sort of training? It's also been suggested that it could be data corruption, but again, if the names and next of kin had been digitally wiped somehow, wouldn't it make more sense to mark the entry as something other than "Disaster Victim"?

I'll leave that one with you... for now.

-Salem
Keeper of secrets
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Wednesday, 13 June 2007

Magic Hands! (and they're not mine for a change)

Ok, this is another one I found on Fark, but it's so good, I had to put it up. On a recent trip to Albania, George W. had his watch stolen by someone in a crowd of 'supporters'. I'm so glad that it didn't happen here or we'd be up for another 50 years of convict jokes. Anyhow, here's the video footage. He loses his watch at about the 1 minute mark, so watch carefully:

Bonus time! The White House have claimed that the presidents watch wasn't stolen! No, he just very quickly took it off and put it in his pocket so as not to catch on anyone or anything in the crowd. Wow! This guy is beter than Clinton and his sax any day. He can undo the buckle on his watch using the same hand that the watch is strapped to!!! Do another trick Mr. President, pleeeeeeeease?
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Friday, 8 June 2007

Fark-tastic!

I don't know what I like more about Fark, the articles or the blurbs that they get posted under. This is going to be an on-going list of some of my all-time faves.

I'm going to try very hard not to get carried away. Let's see how it goes.

-Salem
It's not just news, it's something else!

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