My hair smells like petrol

So far spending this week with my dad has been great. I thought I'd throw out what my days been like, since I really feel like talking to someone.

Today I've pruned/trimed/cut about 45 wheelbarrows worth of plants from the gardens here, added a heap of crap to the burning pile - which has been burning since yesterday, and hopefully will continue to burn all week - moved about 3 tonne worth of large bush rocks with said wheelbarrow and am now hoping to sit and watch some tv and pretend that I'm at home for a little bit.

I have been playing with petrol though which has been great fun. I love the WHOOSH as you throw it on a fire, and the way it russles bamboo with its rather nice fireball. I do still smell of petrol though, which could be good or could be bad.

I'm very very sore and bruised. Even though I'm loving it here with my dad, I kinda want to go home and have a hug.

I still haven't managed to cut firewood since I've been here so no fire in fireplace, rather chilly inside.

Tomorrow plan is mowing, painting, cutting a few more trees down and replacing a large post that helps hold up the verandah.

My muscles don't like me at the moment.

well well well, will ya looky here...

Hey, Crumples - back on the blog, been a while, hu?
I don't work now, so, you know, I don't have to fill my days with interwebs and small sculptures made out of paper clips.
I am fortunate enough to be ill. And I timed it nicely with Salems week off! So he and I have been eating corn fritters, smoking, and generally shooting the shit. That is when i'm not lying down in tiny agony from my freaking kidneys, this is when he trys to kill the robot, and guess what? he finally did it! Bravo Salem, bravo. Well, i think by the pain in my back, up time is over, i'm gonna go lie down with Snow Crash, probably fall asleep after 3 pages (damn it!) and wait till the beloved Kahn gets home and hugs me. YAY! Infact Frejak should hug me too. Not too low. Not. Too. Low.

My thought for the day

Its 11:12pm, everyone else has gone to bed, the wonderful bundle of teething - still cute, i've just had a lovely j and looking at the view.

Anyone whos knows my parents place will know exactly where I'm talking about. Looking out my window I can see across the day bed. With the moon becoming fuller and a magical clear night, the night itself is lit with moonlight almost as clear as day. Due to the still freezing temperature and night moisture there is the most amazing mist bank in the valley.

To give a good idea of just how huge this mist bank is. If you're sitting on the day bed and look down the bottom of the cleared area at the tree line just down from the rise. That tree line is where the mist is starting.

It is so thick and heavy that it appears in the light that you could walk on it. Ever since I could remember I always believed that you could walk on it and it would take you to where ever you wanted to go. Its not hard to see there I read alot of fantasy when I was young. I only ever tried once, hurt alot .........and thats something completely different and not what I'm talking about right now.

So, theres the view I have at the moment. Absolutly gorgeous and I've loved it all my life.
Got me thinking how much I love my view of the city from the balcony at home. I'm truely fascinated by it and could sit for hours just looking at it.

Both views are very cool in their own way, yet I sit here wanting to be looking at the other.

Don't get me wrong, I've had fun and its been great to be with my folks. But I'd like to come home now.

Its damn cold

Sometimes I wonder at my own intelligence.

I have a week off work and where do i decide to spend it? In Coramba at my folks place where this morning it had an inch of frost and its now 6 damn degrees outside.

Random thoughts of perhaps Frejak you could have spent this at home where you can chill out in less than 3 layers of clothes and then at night instead of having to have so many blankets that you can't actually move in bed you could curl up with warm boyfriend? But no I have to go to somewhere nice and chilly.

However there is a good side. The fires on, my dad and myself picked a bucket of macadamias off the tree and have been sitting in front the smashing the nuts open, eating them and then throwing the shells into the fire. Watching my tiny little newphew have a stare off comp with the fish, its an oscar and the last of three. I think it ate the others. Still no clear winner on that one yet. I'm not quite certain what my mum and sister have been doing, they've been doing something but whatever it doesn't make sense to me.

Mainly I've been sleeping in front of the fire.

Oh yeah and I made my newphew cry. How you ask? On the drive down this morning, he woke up when we got the the gold coast and heard me mumbling along to Static X. He must have recognised my voice cause hes looked over at me with eyes wide and a smile. Stopped, looked at me and burst into tears.

Real nice at 8am. Evidently he doesn't know me with orange hair. Doesn't know me ???? He's 4 months old. He doesn't really know anyone yet.

So theres my excitment for the day and now at least my fingers are kinda warm from typing so thats a good thing. And that as far as I'm concerned is worth it.

Wait, what month is it?

February you say? The end of it? Well damn! So it's been quite a while since I posted last, but that's ok. Nobody reads it anyhow so I haven't got anyone sending me hate mail because we haven't done anything in the last month. There's something oddly soothing about running a blog with absolutely no readers. We post what we want, when we want and nobody ever complains about it. In fact, when we do hear about it, it's only from the other authors and I can't think of a time when it hasn't been some form of praise. How can you really argue with that?

Anyhow, moving right along, we're once again coming up to another Equinox. I know that few people are overly concerned by this as you follow your more standard holidays, such as Easter or Kwanzaa (what the hell is Kwanzaa?) and that's cool. Around here, both Frejak and I prefer to celebrate something that is far more scientifically proven and far less commercial. Thankfully, our friends respect that much in the same way that we respect their holiday of choice. Actually, I'm eagerly awaiting the day that Kahn decides to start celebrating Kwanzaa. It may not be that far off. Joyous Zwanzaa to you if it happens Kahn! Incidentally, I know that Kwanzaa is at the end of the year, but I'm demonstrating varied traditions of celebration here so shush.

So yeah, Equinox. Since we're in the Southern hemisphere, it's the Autumnal Equinox for us (Vernal if you're in the less trendy Northern hemisphere). With any luck it will signal a change to a cooler temperature and maybe some more rain. While that wasn't a very technical explanation, here's a watered down version for the people outside of our hemisphere:

This is the Equinox that gets a holiday

This is the Chevy Equinox that I hope hits you for not indicating while
changing lanes you dumb-ass.

Did I mention that lately I've been spending a lot more time on the roads? Well I have been and I'm starting to wish I had a bullet for every fucker that doesn't know how to indicate. One of these days I'm going to get hit by one of these morons and they're going to blame me for it. I imagine this is how the conversation will go:
Non-Indicator: "Why don't you watch where you're going dick?!?"
Enraged Salem: "I was watching exactly where I was going when you suddenly and without warning, veered into me you psych ward reject!!!"
[Insert me punching the idiot in the face and saying "Surprise Cock-Face!" here]

Right, this is getting a little off track here. The point of all this was to basically post up something new before the end of the month and also let you know that Equinox will be on March 20th this year. I hope you all have a joyous time. Frejak and I will light an extra candle for all of you... except those fuckers that never indicate.

-Salem
I've started weight training at the gym in preparation for the non-indicators.

Santa's Reign(deer) of Destruction

Has this ever happened to you?

(Santa's Slay - Don't even ask...)

Ok, so having Goldberg come at you dressed like a mighty Santa-beast that is vaguely reminiscent of a lumberjack with a taste for homicide isn't the most likely of events, but still. This is the time of year that scares me. I've tried to armour up with my Solstice festivities, but this year I must spend time with my parents. That instantly kills my solstice plans as they see it as... I can't believe I have to say this... ~sigh~ a heathen ceremony. Yep, my folks are filled up with all kinds of religiosity and it grieves me.
With all this terror in mind, I'm attempting to spread some... cheer? No, that's not quite right. Perhaps "Drinking and Revenge" would be better. I present to you... From Sealab 2021:

"The Feast of Alvis"

-Salem
Moon!? Moon, you freakish bitch!

And We're Back!

Not that anyone would really have noticed, but most of us here at MB have been away at a wedding. Frejak, Visure, Crumples and myself have spent a rousing week down on the lovely mid-north coast of New South Wales. It was a lot of fun (and a lot of hard work) but on the whole, well worth the effort. Kahn and Kallisar joined us for the last 3 days of our stay and the wedding itself was beautiful.

Now we're all back, I expect that we'll get back to posting random things here and there, but for me personally, I'll have to get back into the swing of things before I start creating any works of genius that will echo down the halls of time. Give me time, I'm sure I'm building up to something, you'll see.

-Salem
Do you think we can get grass seeds to germinate and grow on an animated zombie?

I Be Postin' Like A Pirate! Yarr!

So it be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. This be a good thing. Me whole office has been Pirate-a-fied, from the buxom young lass at reception to the bilge-rats down below deck. I have me flint-locks and cutlass with me and the Jolly Roger is flyin' high above me desk, yarr!

I hope all you lubbers out there got to enjoy the day as much as me and me crew here have been. It's good to be the Pirate King!

The lass in reception can count herself lucky too. I were goin' to post her picture up here, but knowin' she's not up for those kinds of shenanigans, I be decidin' against that course of action. Yarr, 'tis a shame, she's a comely lass...

-Cap'n Salem
Later, I'll be seein' if I can get me hands on that reception lass' booty! Yarr!

Frejak's rant of the week

well yeah I know I know its been bloody ages since I've posted on here.
but its times like this when on my second last night shift of a crappy job when I've had 5 phone calls since 1:30 bloody pm and its now 8pm.
*grin* but hey I'm only whinging and all the guys know exactly what I'm talking about as all I've done this week is whine about it. so not a huge conversationalist this week unfortunately.

so apart from that, getting ready for my sisters wedding which is coming up really soon - one month exactly today actually - and have discovered that there is actually only one thing that I am petrified of happening. and unfortunately that happens to be my brother.

Not everyone would really much about him apart from the fact that he’s generally an arsehat. Which is true mind you, completely true but he also happens to have a weird mental thing that happens whenever he’s around his wife – evil whore beast. Over the past year or so this mental leap that he makes from one personality to another has been reducing until pretty much constantly now he’s an arsehat.

I found out while visiting my folks the other weekend that he would be going there for the wedding early. The concern lies in the fact that I’m petrified that he is going to do something or say something that is going to majorly piss someone off. The worst thing is I know that he will, cause he seems to get an extreme delight in trying to cause trouble for everyone else around and turning it so it makes him look like the victim.

This does not bode well for the week upcoming the wedding, where the original plan was fun and enjoyment with abundance of water fights and grass sliding, I’m finding myself now in a situation where I’m going to be having to mentally fence with my brother the entire time to keep my sister sane, my friends from wanting to deck him and myself from wanting to beat his brains in.

My mum keeps trying to tell me to try and understand it from his perspective, that
1. He has a stressful job – well big fucking deal, boo hoo have a cry
2. That he’s about to be a dad – and my sister is carrying a watermelon under her shirt, she’s not really pregnant
3. That he hasn’t had time to adjust to my sister or myself yet – he hasn’t said happy birthday or given my sister a birthday present for over 10 years and he still has in his head that I’m 12 years old and treats me as such
4. That he feels left out and not included by us – build a fucking bridge!!!! Get off the computer, get off your arse and actually want to spend time with us instead of if we want to see him we have to work around his schedule and go to frellin Chermside all the time. Heaven forbid he actually come to visit us, that would just be to much wouldn’t it.

So heres my problem, after all that yes I’m finally getting to it. He’s going to say or do something thats going to be bloody snide about someone/to someone and then they are going to turn around and tell them to fuck off. Which in all truth is well deserved and rightly so. Then he’s going to turn around and start having a fucking cry to mum and dad and just have the biggest whinge in the entire world.

I’m not saying that if something happens then whoever is on the receiving end should pull him up on it and say “hey mate that was a bit fuckin uncalled for”. Cause hey even if nothing happens he will still end up calling my folks after the wedding to have a cry. You wonder sometimes if he really is 32 don’t you.

I think my major concern comes from knowing that my best mates are all going to be down there starting from the beginning and more arriving later in the week. And you know the feeling where you’re inviting people to go somewhere and you’re so worried that they’ll hate it even though you know its stupid at the same time. I just don’t want my brother to make any of them feel even for the slightest second uncomfortable in any way. But then thats just the annoying part of my personality coming out that wants to make sure people are happy and having fun. I know already anyone reading this will probably be thinking “Damn Frejak you need a forehead slap” but hey, I’m quite happy to admit that my family for me is my main and fullest insecurity. They are now and I feel they always will be, plus everyone has at least one whether they like to admit it or not.

So heres my plan, let him be a fuckstick, spend a fantastic week with my best mates, have shenanigans, get drunk, slide down some grass hills on cardboard, help my sister get married with the least amount of fuss as possible and have fun. Theres the plan and lets hope I can stick to it.

..................or maybe get a larger drum for burning that will go with the nice big hole that we dug earlier just in case I actually decide to assist in finalising my brothers demise.

Scientific Holiday Time Approaches.

Yes, it's getting close to that time of year again. The Spring (or Vernal if you prefer) Equinox is fast approaching. This year, it will be on September 23rd at 19:51 (7:51pm) local Brisbane time.

I'm predicting that it really will be a good year for both Kahn and myself as we've both managed a cosmic event around our birthdays. I'm not saying that the stars guide your destiny, far from it in fact, but when something cool like an Equinox in Kahn's case or a blood moon in my own happen to coincide with your birthday, it's the perfect opportunity to use it as proof of your divinity to a tribe of savages that you can then bend to your will.

I have chosen a lovely moon-worshiping gypsy tribe to roam the countryside enforcing my laws and whims. They seem quite taken with my crystal clear hazel eyes, impeccable night-vision and of course my piercing gaze that can cut deep into their souls. I'm sure that my speed and agility have been quite helpful in promoting the belief that I can also turn into a large black panther to punish the wicked and rend the souls of the forsaken asunder.

Kahn no doubt will be able to use his commanding voice and grand stature to set himself up as a deity of balance and ensure a similarly spectacular reaction from whichever tribe he deems worthy to honor him. Since Equinox is always a day of equal day and night, perhaps he could even spilt the tribe and have those that worship his benevolence in the daylight and those that pursue his evil schemes under the cloak of night. Either way, he has my best wishes in his endeavours. Perhaps we can get together and have a cross-tribal clam-bake or something in honor of our magnificence.

So, until next time dear readers, watch the night sky and enjoy your Equinox.

-Salem
Why be kings when we can be gods?

Love-day? What the hell?

Ok, so as we all know, the day after tomorrow is the 14th and that means that for the last week or two, the price of flowers and chocolate has gone through the roof. The day tends to have one of 3 effects on people:
1. They get way too gushy/perky/giggly.
2. They get very, very angry/bitter.
3. They don't know what the hell everyone is talking about.

I will be taking part in option 3 this year and thus will remember none of this on the morning in question. Good luck to all those with a special someone to spend way too much money on. I hope it all works out well for you both. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a hole in the sand that I need to bury my head in.




Who the hell was this Valentine guy anyway?

Update time

Well here we are. We've all been very busy doing nothing over the holidays and now it's probably getting close to the time where we all go back to work and need something to keep us entertained while we're there. Truthfully, Kallisar could have been posting stuff as he has been working a lot over the break, but since none of the rest of us have really been paying attention, I can understand why he wouldn't bother. We're good like that.

Either way, I've had a lot of time off and now I have to start looking for work. I'm not overly thrilled by the prospect, but I need an income. You know the story. So just to recap for those of you that weren't there or were too out of it to remember, here's roughly what's been happening.

Solstice was a nice little affair at home with a few friends. One did decide to mess up the paved area out the back of my place with a lot of candle wax and man was he lucky to get away clean. I thought that Frejak was ready to stab him and I was in a mood to hold him down while she got the knife. The lesson here is this: I don't fuck with your shitty christmas celebrations, so don't you dare fuck with my solstice candles! Speaking of christmas, I spent the day drunk. Frejak, Kahn and myself went to spend the day with Frejak's sister for the day and we arrived at around 9:00am. After a small ammount of organising, we started drinking at around 9:30am and I pretty much kept going right up until about 1:00am on boxing day. It took me a good two or three days to recover.

New years eve was quiet but that was ok. I enjoyed it all the same. I was up much later than everyone else, but that's something that I'm quite used to now. I suppose that it's lucky that I don't mind being by myself. That may be quite a telling trait when disecting my psychological make-up but what the hell. I celebrated the new year by watching 'Farrenheight 9/11' and marvelling at the stupidity of Americans.

With that said, I'm going to get out of here. I have many on-line things that I need to catch up on and this represents but a small percentage of them.

-Salem
If you can read this, you've got your glasses on.