I've been away too long.

I used to spend so much of my time here. I loved having a spot to vent, act superior and in general, post up whatever I wanted. I guess it was the closest thing to a home I would expect on-line. I keep telling myself that I'll get back to it soon, but so far, I've not been very successful. I'm not stupid enough to say that with this single post, all of that is about to change. Blasting out a bunch of linguistic tricks to satisfy my own narcissism was once a way of life for me, but that was when I had jobs that I cared little about or were so easy that I could spend a large portion of my day on-line doing as I pleased.

Still, the shortcut has never left my browser and here I am. Back after more than a year and feeling something half way between nostalgia and hope. Time to have some fun and the best way to do that here is to plumb the depths of my cynicism.

I'll be starting that process as I sleep and hopefully tomorrow will yield some interesting results.

-Salem
I want more time to be scathing to others.

Here's our new mascot.

Today saw the beginnings of The Wobsite. I didn't know what to do with it (and still don't), so I put up a picture of a duck. This is that duck. I've decided that he's a particularly fine specimen of ducky goodness, so I'm going to keep him. Somehow I will reforge this simple yet perfect duck into the MB mascot of all our dreams. I've started by naming him in the spirit of the way we do things here. It's a silly way to do things, but I think it works. So without further ado, I give you...

Quark!

Can you handle a duck sir? This one doesn't Quark much.

-Salem
This duck is dedicated to Salty. Good luck with your surgery :)

Morally Bankrupt: The Wobsite

Well, I've started whoring up Google's 'Google Pages' thingy and thus Morally Bankrupt: The Wobsite is now operational. There's nothing there yet, but it shows I'm willing to commit a good 2 minutes to this wonderful new project.

Currently, MB:TW can be found at:
http://lord.salem.googlepages.com/home
That wob address may or may not change at any given moment as is dictated by my whims and Google's willingness to allow such an option. I wasn't kidding about the 2 minutes, so I don't have a clue what I can actually do with Google Pages yet.

Lastly, I will likely never come back and alter the site links in this post, so if they don't work anymore it's your responsability to check Morally Bankrupt: The Blarg (that's what you're reading from right now as opposed to the The Wobsite which you're trying to find) and find the correct location.

-Salem
I'm all about the interwob and it's tube/truck technologies.

He's not *quite* dead yet...

Believe me, this war is still raging even as we speak and even if we burn his corpse, he could still come back a badger. Hell, if one of his beneficiaries happens to find that 'Wish' scroll in his library, who knows how much more powerful he'll be when he returns?

-Salem
It's not over till Monte Cook says it's over, dammit!

He will be Critically Missed

It is with great sadness that I say goodbye to a legend. Gary Gygax was one of the co-founders of D&D rolled his last natural 20 on Tuesday. He retired Mordenkainen, Failed his save vs. death magic, went ethereal and has taken the first step to lichdom.

It truely is a sad moment to know this. Along with many gamers I just wanted to take the time to acknowledge Gygax and the fantasitc things he has done to unlock worlds of imagination for so many people like myself.

Every gamer owes him a nod a respect - and maybe every gamer should sit his or her best d20 aside at your next gaming session, let that best & most favored die belong to him for the evening.

Gary didn't make us popular, or make us fit in with the general mass population of our schools and neighborhoods. He didn't empower us to do great things to earn our way into those groups... What he gave us was exactly what people like us wanted. A way to come together and hang out with others that enjoyed the same thing. To tell hilarious jokes that no one else understands and quote monty python. To sink into a world of power, fear, imagination and stunning feats.

May Galstaff sorcerer of light guide you.

Please join me in 1d6 moments of silence



Image from www.penny-arcade.com

Zombie Research 101

Has this ever happened to you?

Well, this was interesting. Turns out that our very own Crumples has found 5 scientific reasons a zombie apocalypse could actually happen. On the whole, I like it. Sure the people doing it aren't taking it as seriously as they could (or should), but they were kind enough to link out to a number of other articles that illustrate the points that they were making.

At this stage, I think that option 2 (Neurotoxin) is looking like a pretty viable one, but not as violent as I would have expected. Option 3 (Rage Virus) is probably the one that seems the most credible to me but it would make the zombies tough customers indeed. Nobody wants fast zombies, as the article says, they're the worst of all the zombie types.

At the end of the day, I only hope that this will inspire Kahn in just the right way for him to finally get out there and get the zombie apocalypse ball rolling.

-Salem
Better hurry up man, I turn 30 in a few more years and I want to be at my peak for this!

And We're Back!

Not that anyone would really have noticed, but most of us here at MB have been away at a wedding. Frejak, Visure, Crumples and myself have spent a rousing week down on the lovely mid-north coast of New South Wales. It was a lot of fun (and a lot of hard work) but on the whole, well worth the effort. Kahn and Kallisar joined us for the last 3 days of our stay and the wedding itself was beautiful.

Now we're all back, I expect that we'll get back to posting random things here and there, but for me personally, I'll have to get back into the swing of things before I start creating any works of genius that will echo down the halls of time. Give me time, I'm sure I'm building up to something, you'll see.

-Salem
Do you think we can get grass seeds to germinate and grow on an animated zombie?

Behold! 'The Kahn' Cometh!

Today marks the 26th year of the presence of 'The Kahn'. It is an illustrious occasion and here's a brief history of events that have foretold his greatness!

Events

• 303 - On a voyage preaching the gospel, Saint Fermin of Pamplona is beheaded in Amiens, France.
• 1066 - The Battle of Stamford Bridge marks the end of the Viking era.
• 1396 - Ottoman Emperor Bayezid I defeats a Christian army at the Battle of Nicopolis.
• 1513 - Spanish explorer Vasco Núñez de Balboa reached what would be known as the Pacific Ocean.
• 1555 - The Peace of Augsburg is signed in Augsburg by Charles V and the princes of the Schmalkaldic League.
• 1690 - "Publick Occurrences Both Foreign and Domestick", the first newspaper to appear in the Americas, is published for the first and only time.
• 1789 - The U.S. Congress passes twelve amendments to the United States Constitution: the Congressional Apportionment Amendment, the Congressional Compensation Amendment, and the ten that are known as the Bill of Rights.
• 1804 - The Teton Sioux (a subdivision of the Lakota) demand one of the boats from the Lewis and Clark Expedition as a toll for moving further upriver.
• 1846 - U.S. forces led by Zachary Taylor captured the Mexican city of Monterrey.
• 1868 - The Imperial Russian steam frigate Alexander Neuski shipwrecks off Jutland while carrying the Grand Duke of Russia.
• 1906 - In the presence of the king and before a great crowd, Leonardo Torres Quevedo successfully demonstrates the invention of the Telekino in the port of Bilbao, guiding a boat from the shore, in what is considered the birth of the Remote control.
• 1911 - Ground is broken for Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts.
• 1912 - Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism is founded in New York, New York.
• 1915 - The Second Battle of Champagne begins.
• 1929 - Jimmy Doolittle performs the first blind flight from Mitchel Field proving that full Instrument Flying from take off to landing is possible.
• 1955 - The Royal Jordanian Air Force is founded.
• 1957 - Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas, is integrated through the use of United States Army troops.
• 1959 - Solomon Bandaranaike, prime minister of Sri Lanka is mortally wounded by a Buddhist monk, Talduwe Somarama, and dies the next day.
• 1962 - The People's Democratic Republic of Algeria is formally proclaimed. Ferhat Abbas is elected President of the provisional government.
• 1970 - Cease-fire between Jordan and the fedayeen ends fighting triggered by four hijackings on September 6 and 9.
• 1972 - In the Norwegian EC referendum, 1972, the people of Norway reject membership.
• 1976 - The rock band U2 forms at a meeting at drummer Larry Mullen's home.
• 1978 - PSA Flight 182, a Boeing 727-214, collides in mid-air with a Cessna 172 and crashes in San Diego, California, resulting in the deaths of 144 people.
• 1980 - The first congress of the Democratic Youth Organization of Afghanistan held in Kabul.
• 1981 - Sandra Day O'Connor was the 102nd Justice sworn in as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, the first woman to hold the office.
• 1983 - Long Kesh escape. 38 republican prisoners, armed with 6 handguns, hijacked a prison meals lorry and smashed their way out of HMP Maze. The largest prison escape since WWII and in British history.
• 1996 - The last of the Magdalen Asylums closes in Ireland.
• 1997 - Ultima Online, the first successful MMORPG, developed by Origin Systems, launches.
• 2002 - The Vitim event, a possible bolide impact in Siberia, Russia.
• 2003 - A magnitude-8.0 earthquake strikes just offshore of Hokkaidō, Japan.
• 2005 - Spanish Formula One racing driver Fernando Alonso becomes the youngest FIA Formula One World Champion.
• 2006 - The Louisiana Superdome reopens after 13 months of reconstruction necessitated by Hurricane Katrina.
• 2007 - Halo 3 is released on the Xbox 360 console

Births

• 1358 - Ashikaga Yoshimitsu, Japanese shogun (d. 1408)
• 1525 - Steven Borough, English explorer (d. 1584)
• 1599 - Francesco Borromini, Italian architect (d. 1667)
• 1644 - Ole Rømer, Danish astronomer (d. 1710)
• 1683 - Jean-Philippe Rameau, French composer (d. 1764)
• 1694 - Henry Pelham, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (d. 1754)
• 1711 - Qianlong Emperor of China (d. 1799)
• 1725 - Nicolas Joseph Cugnot, French automobile pioneer (d. 1804)
• 1738 - Nicholas Van Dyke, American lawyer and President of Delaware (d. 1789)
• 1764 - Fletcher Christian, English Bounty mutineer (d. 1793)
• 1766 - Armand-Emmanuel du Plessis, Duc de Richelieu, French-Russian statesman (d. 1822)
• 1773 - Agostino Bassi, Italian entomologist (d. 1856)
• 1780 - Jason Fairbanks, American murderer (d. 1801)
• 1782 - Charles Robert Maturin, Irish playwright and novelist (d. 1824)
• 1796 - Antoine-Louis Barye, French sculptor (d. 1875)
• 1798 - Jean-Baptiste Élie de Beaumont, French geologist (d. 1874)
• 1825 - William Pitt Ballinger, Texas lawyer and statesman (d. 1888)
• 1839 - Karl Alfred von Zittel, German palaeontologist (d. 1904)
• 1862 - Billy Hughes, seventh Prime Minister of Australia (d. 1952)
• 1866 - Thomas Hunt Morgan, American geneticist, Nobel laureate (d. 1945)
• 1867 - Evgenii Miller, Russian counter-revolutionary (d. 1938)
• 1881 - Lu Xun, Chinese writer (d. 1936)
• 1889 - C. K. Scott-Moncrieff, Scottish writer and translator (d. 1930)
• 1896 - Sandro Pertini, President of the Italian Republic (d. 1990)
• 1897 - William Faulkner, American writer, Nobel laureate (d. 1962)
• 1898 - Robert Brackman American artist (d. 1980)
• 1901 - Robert Bresson, French film director (d. 1999)
• 1903 - Mark Rothko, Latvian-born painter (d. 1970)
• 1906 - Dmitri Shostakovich, Russian composer (d. 1975)
• 1917 - Phil Rizzuto, American baseball player and sportscaster (d. 2007)
• 1917 - Johnny Sain, American baseball player (d. 2006)
• 1920 - Sergei Bondarchuk, Ukrainian-born actor (d. 1994)
• 1921 - Sir Robert Muldoon, Prime Minister of New Zealand (d. 1992)
• 1922 - Hammer DeRoburt, first President of Nauru (d. 1992)
• 1925 - Paul B. MacCready, Jr., American aeronautical engineer (d. 2007)
• 1925 - Silvana Pampanini, Italian actress
• 1926 - Aldo Ray, American actor (d. 1991)
• 1927 - Sir Colin Davis, English conductor
• 1929 - Ronnie Barker, British comedian and actor (d. 2005)
• 1929 - Barbara Walters, American broadcaster
• 1930 - Shel Silverstein, American humorist and author (d. 1999)
• 1932 - Glenn Gould, Canadian pianist and composer (d. 1982)
• 1932 - Adolfo Suárez, Prime Minister of Spain
• 1933 - Hubie Brown, American basketball coach and broadcaster
• 1934 - Jean Sorel, French actor
• 1936 - Juliet Prowse, British actress and dancer (d. 1996)
• 1938 - Jonathan Motzfeldt, first Prime Minister of Greenland
• 1939 - Feroz Khan, Indian actor
• 1943 - Robert Gates, American Secretary of Defense
• 1944 - Michael Douglas, American actor and producer
• 1944 - Doris Matsui, American politician
• 1945 - Carol Vadnais, Canadian ice hockey player
• 1946 - Felicity Kendal, British actress
• 1947 - Cheryl Tiegs, American model
• 1949 - Pedro Almodóvar, Spanish filmmaker
• 1951 - Mark Hamill, American actor
• 1952 - Christopher Reeve, American actor and activist (d. 2004)
• 1952 - Gloria Jean Watkins, American scholar
• 1952 - Anson Williams, American actor and director
• 1953 - Richard Harvey, British musician and composer (Gryphon)
• 1954 - Sylvester Croom, American college football coach
• 1955 - Steven Severin, British musician (Siouxsie & the Banshees)
• 1955 - Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, German footballer
• 1955 - Ludo Coeck, Belgian footballer (d. 1985)
• 1958 - Michael Madsen, American actor
• 1960 - Igor Belanov, Ukrainian footballer
• 1960 - Sonia Benezra, Canadian television host
• 1961 - Heather Locklear, American actress and model
• 1962 - Aida Turturro, American actress
• 1964 - Anita Barone, American actress
• 1964 - Kikuko Inoue, Japanese singer and voice actress (seiyū)
• 1964 - Joey Saputo, Canadian businessman and sports executive
• 1964 - Gary Ayles, British racing driver
• 1965 - Scottie Pippen, American basketball player
• 1967 - Kim Issel, Canadian ice hockey player
• 1968 - Will Smith, American actor and rapper
• 1968 - John Worsfold, Australian rules football coach
• 1968 - Prince Johan-Friso of Orange-Nassau
• 1969 - Hansie Cronje, South African cricketer (d. 2002)
• 1969 - Catherine Zeta-Jones, Welsh actress
• 1969 - Hal Sparks, American actor
• 1969 - Heather Stewart-Whyte, British supermodel
• 1970 - Dean Ween, American musician (Ween)
• 1971 - John Lynch, American football player
• 1973 - Bridgette Wilson, American actress
• 1973 - Tijani Babangida, Nigerian footballer
• 1975 - Declan Donnelly, English television presenter (Ant and Dec)
• 1975 - Matt Hasselbeck, American football player
• 1975 - Daniel Hyde, British actor
• 1976 - Chauncey Billups, American basketball player
• 1977 - Clea DuVall, American actress
• 1977 - Wil Nieves, Puerto Rican baseball player
• 1978 - Roudolphe Douala, Cameroonian footballer
• 1978 - Ricardo Gardner, Jamaican footballer
• 1978 - Jodie Kidd, English model
• 1978 - Joel Pineiro, Puerto Rican baseball player
• 1980 - T.I., American rapper
• 1981 - Rocco Baldelli, American baseball player
• 1981 - Jason Bergmann, American baseball player
• 1981 - Shane Tutmarc, American songwriter/musician
• 1981 - Kahn, Destroyer of Worlds and Co-Conspirator of Salem.
• 1982 - Hyun Bin, South Korean actor
• 1984 - Matt Carle, American ice hockey player
• 1985 - Calvin Johnson, American football player
• 1991 - Emmy Clarke, American actress

Pretty impressive list isn't it? Hope you're having a good one Kahn. Long life and good health to you my friend.

-Salem
I'm a co-conspirator! Yay for me!

Black Bear Attacks, Rapes, Zookeeper

Here's a little dog-bites-man tale we couldn't resist! Except replace "dog" with "850-pound black bear"! And "bites" with "anally violate"!

Yes, last Saturday a zookeeper at the Metropolitan Zoo had "claws" for alarm when he was attacked and raped by the same black bear he had raised from a cub! Geez, talk about gratitude!

"It was horrible, just horrible," sobbed an eyewitness. Guess she sure got an eyeful!

The bear, named "Barry," attacked zookeeper Ron Gilks as Gilks entered the cage to give him dinner. Barry lunged at his throat, goring him with his huge claws and razor-sharp teeth. Some of the claw marks were three-quarters of an inch deep. Ouch!

Then, astonished onlookers could "bearly" believe what happened next - Barry began to brutally rape zookeeper Gilks!

Frantic zookeepers rushed for rifles as others tried to divert the bear. But there was no stopping Barry! This bear kept "bearing down," and Gilks just had to grin and "bear" it! Maybe Barry was mistaking him for his "honey"!

Gilks was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. A full quart of bear semen was extracted from his ruptured chest cavity. And that's no small Boo-Boo!

Barry's 27-inch phallus, armed with guard hairs as sharp as red-hot needles, shot through Gilks' rectum, shattered his lower spine and skewered his colon, causing his entire lower torso to "cave" in! Yikes! Bet that wasn't the type of "cave" you had in mind when you took up zookeeping, Mr. Gilks!

And can you imagine Gilks' surprise when Barry's putrid ursine semen flooded his ruptured chest cavity? (By the way, Mr. Gilks, whatever cologne you've been wearing, where can the public get some?)

Finally, zookeeper Eric Pulliam shot Barry with a tranquilizer gun and pulled Gilks from the cage. The unconscious bear was later destroyed. Hey, this "Yogi" made a major "Boo-Boo"!

"I have worked with dangerous animals before," zoo director Kate Donegal said. "But never have I seen any animal sexually assault a human being." "Barry"? Try "Scary"!

Meanwhile, Gilks was pronounced dead at an area hospital - but at least he died grinning and bearing it! No doubt, this episode gives new meaning to the term, "Do not feed the bears!"

Copyright 1996 ONION, INC., All Rights Reserved.

I was thinking of making a few jokes here myself, but honestly, what more could I say? What I can't fathom is why a story like this was taken down... go figure. Ahh well, here is the one place I know that you can still find it with any sort of reliable ease.

-Salem
Bearly containing the laughter inside. Tragic.

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

My pirate name is:

Bloody Salem Read

Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. Even through many pirates have a reputation for not being the brightest souls on earth, you defy the sterotypes. You've got taste and education. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

-Captain Salem
Yarr! We be supportin' this here event!

World Zombie News

I'm starting to feel like it's my duty to keep everyone informed about the latest developments in world zombie events. Today, we have a new movie coming out. You can read some interesting info about surrounding events here. Now this movie, The Zombie Diaries, is being promoted as a work of fiction, but I've heard on the grape-vine that this may be more accurately called a documentary. I'll be heading along to see if these guys have anything that I can incorporate into my own zombie plan.

-Salem
Stay tuned for the Late Zombie News at 10:00pm. I'm Ron Burgundy?

Where is your billboard now?

-Salem

What more do I really need to say?

Excuse me dear, have you seen my quantum sledgehammer?

Ok, I nicked this one too, but I had to. I love quantum physics, quantum mechanics, in fact, let's just say I love quantum stuff. I find the study of the universe at this level to be immensely interesting and thus, I don't see why everyone else in the world shouldn't. That said, here's an article about some scientists that think they may have discovered a way to make some photons break the speed of light. Of course, Einstein isn't going to like that, but I'm sure Newton is pretty happy about it...

Scientists claim to break light-speed barrier

German scientists claim to have broken the light-speed barrier, which could blow away the known limitations of modern networking, but the technology is unlikely to make it into a product--if at all--until most administrators working today have retired.

Exceeding the speed of light, approximately 300,000km per second, is supposed to be completely impossible. According to Einstein's special theory of relativity, it would take an infinite amount of energy to accelerate an object through the light barrier.

But two German physicists claim to have forced light to overcome its own speed limit using the strange phenomenon known as "quantum tunneling."

Gunter Nimtz, one of the physicists from the University of Koblenz, told New Scientist magazine: "For the time being, this is the only violation of special relativity that I know of."

However, the scientists' claims should be treated with some skepticism until they have been investigated by the wider scientific community, according to Dr. Kevin McIsaac, an analyst at Sydney-based firm IBRS, who holds a PhD in theoretical atomic physics.

"From time to time we do hear about these interesting experiments, often by well-meaning scientists. But, until this has been validated by the scientific community, you want to treat it with some skepticism," said McIsaac.

"To date, all indications are that no information can travel faster than the speed of light. There are some experiments that indicate you can have interactions that appear to be faster than the speed of light but you still can't transmit information faster than the speed of light," said McIsaac.

The scientists set up an experiment in which microwave photons--energetic packets of light--appeared to travel "instantaneously" between two prisms forming the halves of a cube placed a meter apart.

When the prisms were placed together, photons fired at one edge passed straight through them, as expected. After they were moved apart, most of the photons reflected off the first prism they encountered and were picked up by a detector. But a few photons appeared to "tunnel" through the gap separating them as if the prisms were still held together.

Although these photons had traveled a longer distance, they arrived at their detector at exactly the same time as the reflected photons. In effect, they seemed to have traveled faster than light.
Quantum tunneling is a well known phenomenon that occurs as a direct result of the strange uncertainty which pervades nature at very small scales. It allows subatomic particles to break apparently unbreakable barriers.

Even if the discovery turns out to be real, IBRS's McIsaac isn't convinced that it could be turned into a useful product: "About 15 or 20 years ago a scientist claimed to have discovered cold fusion... but still nothing has happened. One of the big promises has been quantum computing and we still don't have it. Also, photonic computing — we still don't have that either."

"So, frankly, I would suggest that anybody who is an administrator today probably won't see this till they have retired," McIsaac said.

Quantum tunneling

To understand the principle of quantum tunneling, consider a ball being bowled up a hill. If the ball has insufficient velocity, it will not roll over the top of the hill and appear on the other side. But, if the ball was a subatomic particle, subject to quantum laws, it would also behave like a wave.

The "wave function" describing the particle would represent the probability of finding it at a certain location. This wave could extend to the other side of the hill, meaning there will always be a small possibility of the particle being detected there unexpectedly.

When this happens it is as if the particle has "tunneled" through the hill.

The effect is already used in a practical way in the scanning tunneling microscope, which can image surface features at an atomic scale and relies on the "tunneling" of electrons.

Tunneling is also involved in radioactivity and nuclear fusion. Without it, the sun could not shine, and some scientists believe the universe itself only came into existence because of tunneling.

-Salem
The hell with it, give me a quantum sledgehammer and I'll break that crappy light-speed barrier myself!

Zombie Plan v1.0

Has this ever happened to you?

Well it hasn't happened to us yet, but dammit, we're not taking any chances! That's why we here at Morally Bankrupt have formulated our own Zombie Plan v1.0

This plan has been devised to keep us safe in the event of all but the most vigorous of zombie apocalypses. If we somehow end up with Ninja Zombies, then the only thing that we can hope for is that they start fighting with the Pirate Zombies or let's face it, we're all doomed. So assuming we suffer from a run-of-the-mill zombie apocalypse, at least we'll be safe. A shame about the rest of you, but you know... like, whatever.

The Plan
Step 1: Temporary Fortifications
This is the basic blocking of access points. The last thing you want it zombies clawing their way in through easily broken windows or doors. The place I share with Frejak, Kallisar and Kahn is rather sturdy, but does have a lot of glass in places. How do we fix that? Simple, we block doors to the library and Kahn's bedroom and barricade the doorway to the game room. You're probably wondering why we don't just board up the offending doors and windows in those rooms rather than just cutting them off. Our plan is based around a quick response time to an unexpected event. We don't just have a lot of boards and nails sitting around, waiting for the zombies to come. That would be a waste (right up to the apocalypse at any rate). For now, we use the bookshelves to block doors and the two pieces of Kahn's king sized bed base to block open doorways and the glass panel by the front door. Entry is now that much tougher for the zombie hoards.

Step 2: Organisation
Technically, this step will start during step 1 and continue during step 3. Organisation involves moving all the useful things from the game room and library upstairs. It may also include pulling up the scaffolding if it's still set up (if only they'd finish painting the house). Yes, it's just that simple. We are hoping that Frejak's sister and her partner will arrive sometime soon after the apocalypse starts, and if they're here, then they'll be helping to organise rationing and how best to go about step 4.

Step 3: Getting Supplies
This would probably be more accurately called "Robbing the hardware store and supermarket" but it doesn't make it sound as vital as it actually is. While we have a lot of weapons in the house already, we think we could stand for a few more and hardware stores are great for that. Kallisar has put in for chainsaws and nailguns and quite frankly, I have to agree. We also need the afore mentioned boards and nails anyhow so we can block up the access points a little better. We also have things like generators, solar panels, water pumps, air compressors, etc. on the list. Then it's off to the shops for food supplies. We're thinking that rather than hit a supermarket, we hit a lot of little corner stores and take-away shops. There's less likely to be crowds of people with similar survival ideas at small shops. We're one step ahead of the masses though and that's why we'll be laughing at all the zombies while the rest of you are... well, zombies, like this.
Step 4: Refortification
Now we have the hardware, we fix out defenses. This may require us to push a few zombies back out of the house to reclaim the rooms we blocked off earlier in step 1, but that's ok. We should now have a secure house and that gives us a lot of space. Best part is that the balconies will make great defense platforms. I have hopes that we'll be able to use some 7 ply to board up the front of the balcony railings, pack newspapers as tightly and as desnsely as posible between the rails and finish off the back of the sandwich with some more 7 ply. In fact, I'd like to do that to all the windows downstairs as well. Again, you may be wondering why. I expect to be beset by the occasional non-zombie raiding party and the ply-and-paper is a fairly effective and rather easy to put together way to stop projectiles. Damn we're good at this!

Step 5: More Supplies
At this point, we go out on small raiding trips to pick up slightly less essential, but extremely hand items. There's a police station not to far from our place, so we're thinking that if there aren't any police around, we may borrow some of their equipment (radios, any spare riot gear, weapons, donuts, etc.). There will also be trips to get as much food as we can find with an eye to long lasting items. We want to hit a nursery (the plant kind, not the sticky children kind) so that we can perhaps look at growing our own food. There's a hydroponics store close by, so that's going to get raided. Other things such as rainwater tanks will also be added during this stage if possible. Hospital goods will also be raided. We have a choice I think of about 3 hospitals.

Step 6: Settling In
We should have most of what we need and so now it's just a matter of setting up the last few bits and pieces and adjusting to our new lifestyle. I'll probably go out on zombie whacking duties every day or two. Frejak will probably want to go too, but I don't know if that would happen or not. We have a 'Couples' rule that states when leaving the safety of our home/base, either both go or neither of them go. This is so that if one of them dies, the other is there to see it. Sounds cruel doesn't it? The idea behind it is that if they're both there when one dies (which we're hoping doesn't happen), the other will not be able to blame any of the other survivors for their loss and thus are less likely to destabalise the group. Pretty grim, but these would be grim times.

So there you have it. We have much more detail in our plan than I've written here, but you can see we've thought this through. Bring on the zombies! We're ready, are you?

-Salem
I'm hoping that we get dancing zombies like in Thriller!

Zombie Plan v1.1 can be found here.