If I was planning on being buried, that's what I would want on my tombstone. It would be an epic work of the blackest granite with 'Death by Misadventure' in towering gold letters. The angle would be set so that in the evenings, just as the last rays of the sun pass over it, the whole of it seems to burn with an inner fire and when the moon takes the place of the sun, the pale beams catch on the myriad of hidden glyphs, highlighting the true unearthly beauty of such a statement. Yes indeed, it would be a wonder to behold and a fitting sentiment to match my somewhat strange and mysterious life.
Ok, that may be a little dramatic, but it's the kind of remark that makes you think in epic terms. You're probably wondering what I'm on about, so I'll fill you in a little. In previous centuries, particularly in the 1800's I believe, when somebody, anybody died due to either an accident or via an inexplicable occurrence, quite often their death certificate listed cause of death as 'Death by Misadventure'. I'm unsure if this practice is still in use, but with medical and forensic science advancing as it is, I find it unlikely. Anyhow, sometimes other things which may have caused a family some embarrassment or scandal (such as a family member committing suicide) would also be listed as 'Death by Misadventure'. The list of things that would become DBM on a death certificate is quite impressive and unless you know the actual way in which a person died, it can really leave you with a sense of wonder and perhaps even a little in awe of what their life must have been like for them to finally succumb to the deadly clutches of this dreaded misadventure. In a sense, they were nobler times because a misfortune such as suicide was gently nudged aside by a physician and a verdict of DBM in order to spare the family in it's time of grief. In another sense it was a golden time for murderers as with one well placed bribe to the attending physician, 'Death by a knife wound to the throat' became 'Death by Misadventure' and may never be investigated.
My point was however that it invokes a sense of the mysterious and doesn't require the mind to dwell on the horrible facts of death. I like that. I have in my family tree someone whose death was deemed to be a DBM. I have no idea if he was worth thinking about really, but I'm far more curious about his life than many of my other ancestors simply because of that. I'm sure that it was probably something like he got drunk and fell face first into his evening porridge and drowned, but because I have no way of finding out, he will always be at least a little enigmatic to my way of thinking. For now I imagine that he died during a daring raid of some Faustian pit below the earth, where evil cultists were sacrificing the fair maidens from his nearby town to unspeakably evil gods, and although he gave up his life in that unholy place, the plans of his enemies were thwarted due to his heroic efforts that brought the whole complex down upon their accursed heads.
If history had not come up with such a marvellous idea as DBM (which is simply adored by literature), I can safely say that none of it would have been even remotely as interesting as it actually is. When I die, that's what I want listed as my cause of death. I don't care if all the other grisly details are listed on an attached sheet, giving readouts of blood toxins and the various conditions of random body parts, just as long as on the short version it reads:
Name: LeSerne, Salem S.
Cause of Death: Death by Misadventure
D.O.B: 1980
Age: 35
Or something like that anyway. I think it's a vastly more dignified way to go and if I must at some point shuffle off this mortal coil, then I would at least like to do it with some style. I don't really plan on dying at all mind you, so I can assure you that my DBM won't be a hushed up suicide. Even if it was though, you're not likely to find out from my death certificate and that's the part that I'm so enamoured of. One last chance to leave people guessing.
-Salem
Life by Misadventure. Ahh the stories I could tell you!
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3 comments:
*claps* what an entertaining article!!
Although.... GOLD letters engraved in the tomb stone??.... Perhaps a little dramatic so whilst your at it...how about some diamonds to add a little bling... go on... be a little more like diddy. Make it look like you lived a dangerous but worthy and mysterious life so that as the sun enhances the firey cause of you death it sparkles a little and all those who surround (assuming there are some hehe) stop to admire and say "oooooohhhh" .....
Hehe, while I like my statements to be bold, I fear that many people would try to pry my diamonds off and that could make the whole thing look shabby. If I'm going to erect a monument to myself, I can't have it being defaced like that. For now I'll just settle with my gold inlaid lettering and the knowledge that my memorial is so much better than the mundane fare that others settle for.
The Pharaohs had the right idea, live large, die well and get thousands of slaves to glorify your time on this earth with a big, pointy pile of stones. Good for them!
You could alway have a statue of Death purched on top of the tomb stone with his sythe upraised ready to strike at any who dare desicrate (with motion sensors)
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