Zombie Plan v1.0

Has this ever happened to you?

Well it hasn't happened to us yet, but dammit, we're not taking any chances! That's why we here at Morally Bankrupt have formulated our own Zombie Plan v1.0

This plan has been devised to keep us safe in the event of all but the most vigorous of zombie apocalypses. If we somehow end up with Ninja Zombies, then the only thing that we can hope for is that they start fighting with the Pirate Zombies or let's face it, we're all doomed. So assuming we suffer from a run-of-the-mill zombie apocalypse, at least we'll be safe. A shame about the rest of you, but you know... like, whatever.

The Plan
Step 1: Temporary Fortifications
This is the basic blocking of access points. The last thing you want it zombies clawing their way in through easily broken windows or doors. The place I share with Frejak, Kallisar and Kahn is rather sturdy, but does have a lot of glass in places. How do we fix that? Simple, we block doors to the library and Kahn's bedroom and barricade the doorway to the game room. You're probably wondering why we don't just board up the offending doors and windows in those rooms rather than just cutting them off. Our plan is based around a quick response time to an unexpected event. We don't just have a lot of boards and nails sitting around, waiting for the zombies to come. That would be a waste (right up to the apocalypse at any rate). For now, we use the bookshelves to block doors and the two pieces of Kahn's king sized bed base to block open doorways and the glass panel by the front door. Entry is now that much tougher for the zombie hoards.

Step 2: Organisation
Technically, this step will start during step 1 and continue during step 3. Organisation involves moving all the useful things from the game room and library upstairs. It may also include pulling up the scaffolding if it's still set up (if only they'd finish painting the house). Yes, it's just that simple. We are hoping that Frejak's sister and her partner will arrive sometime soon after the apocalypse starts, and if they're here, then they'll be helping to organise rationing and how best to go about step 4.

Step 3: Getting Supplies
This would probably be more accurately called "Robbing the hardware store and supermarket" but it doesn't make it sound as vital as it actually is. While we have a lot of weapons in the house already, we think we could stand for a few more and hardware stores are great for that. Kallisar has put in for chainsaws and nailguns and quite frankly, I have to agree. We also need the afore mentioned boards and nails anyhow so we can block up the access points a little better. We also have things like generators, solar panels, water pumps, air compressors, etc. on the list. Then it's off to the shops for food supplies. We're thinking that rather than hit a supermarket, we hit a lot of little corner stores and take-away shops. There's less likely to be crowds of people with similar survival ideas at small shops. We're one step ahead of the masses though and that's why we'll be laughing at all the zombies while the rest of you are... well, zombies, like this.
Step 4: Refortification
Now we have the hardware, we fix out defenses. This may require us to push a few zombies back out of the house to reclaim the rooms we blocked off earlier in step 1, but that's ok. We should now have a secure house and that gives us a lot of space. Best part is that the balconies will make great defense platforms. I have hopes that we'll be able to use some 7 ply to board up the front of the balcony railings, pack newspapers as tightly and as desnsely as posible between the rails and finish off the back of the sandwich with some more 7 ply. In fact, I'd like to do that to all the windows downstairs as well. Again, you may be wondering why. I expect to be beset by the occasional non-zombie raiding party and the ply-and-paper is a fairly effective and rather easy to put together way to stop projectiles. Damn we're good at this!

Step 5: More Supplies
At this point, we go out on small raiding trips to pick up slightly less essential, but extremely hand items. There's a police station not to far from our place, so we're thinking that if there aren't any police around, we may borrow some of their equipment (radios, any spare riot gear, weapons, donuts, etc.). There will also be trips to get as much food as we can find with an eye to long lasting items. We want to hit a nursery (the plant kind, not the sticky children kind) so that we can perhaps look at growing our own food. There's a hydroponics store close by, so that's going to get raided. Other things such as rainwater tanks will also be added during this stage if possible. Hospital goods will also be raided. We have a choice I think of about 3 hospitals.

Step 6: Settling In
We should have most of what we need and so now it's just a matter of setting up the last few bits and pieces and adjusting to our new lifestyle. I'll probably go out on zombie whacking duties every day or two. Frejak will probably want to go too, but I don't know if that would happen or not. We have a 'Couples' rule that states when leaving the safety of our home/base, either both go or neither of them go. This is so that if one of them dies, the other is there to see it. Sounds cruel doesn't it? The idea behind it is that if they're both there when one dies (which we're hoping doesn't happen), the other will not be able to blame any of the other survivors for their loss and thus are less likely to destabalise the group. Pretty grim, but these would be grim times.

So there you have it. We have much more detail in our plan than I've written here, but you can see we've thought this through. Bring on the zombies! We're ready, are you?

-Salem
I'm hoping that we get dancing zombies like in Thriller!

Zombie Plan v1.1 can be found here.