This Week in the News

Well as some of you may know it has been an interesting and hilarious week in the news. Here are just some of the fantastic things to have happened this week:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20347997/

A 60 year old Brisbane woman was killed by a pet camel that was given to her as a birthday present. Not getting the funny bit? Here you are the camel killed the woman by sitting on her in what is expected to have been a mating ritual.

The fate of the camel is not known.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/08/20/bear.death.reut/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

A 23 year old Serb was found dead and half-eaten in the bear cage of Belgrade Zoo at the weekend during the annual beer festival.
The man was found naked, with his clothes lying intact inside the cage. Two adult bears, Masha and Misha, had dragged the body to their feeding corner and reacted angrily when keepers tried to recover it.

It was suggested that the guy was either drunk, or on drugs, or at the very least an idiot. My money is on all three. Consider your own checkered past. There’s a good chance that you’ve been drunk at one time, on drugs at one time, and even an idiot at one time. But I’ll bet you never climbed into a bear’s cage. For that sort of thing, you usually need the trifecta: drunk, stupid, and on LSD.
I say “usually” because you don’t absolutely need to be drunk, stupid and on LSD. You could also be religious. There was a similar story last year, where a guy climbed into a lion’s cage and yelled something about God protecting him. That turned out to be bad luck. The guy managed to find the ONE lion that God loves more than people.
Now before you accuse me of making fun of religious people or start wondering why I am since I am a religious person, I am not saying that every believer will allow himself to be eaten by a lion. What I’m saying is that sometimes it could be a bear. And sometime they know not to be quite so zelous.
The best part of the bear-eats-man story is that the police found several cell phones and beer cans in the bear’s cage. That leads me to believe this could be a talking bear, and he’s a repeat offender.

Also curious in the article they mention as I have above the his clothes were off and intact, but make no further reference as to why that would be. I wonder what a talking bear offers to intice such actions.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20227400/site/newsweek/

In one of history's more absurd acts of totalitarianism, China has banned Buddhist monks in Tibet from reincarnating without government permission. According to a statement issued by the State Administration for Religious Affairs, the law, which goes into effect next month and strictly stipulates the procedures by which one is to reincarnate, is "an important move to institutionalize management of reincarnation."

Simply brilliant don't you think.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070820/od_afp/entertainmentbritain

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf was embarrassed by the accident, yet he was not embarrassed by his regular act. This implies that there is a NON-embarrassing way to hump a vacuum cleaner in front of a crowd. If you aren’t curious to see Captain Dan’s act now, you’re dead inside.
I wonder if Captain Dan has trouble getting girls. On one hand, he’s famous. That must help. And the ladies do love a man with dust-free nuts. He’s got that working for him. On the other hand, when you have a Hoover doing a Clinton on your Johnson five nights a week, it sets the bar high. His girlfriends must be tired of hearing “Seriously. Have you even started yet?”