The Cats Will Be The First To Know

Zombie Quest 1.0

Has this ever happened to you?

Well I'm sure hoping that it hasn't or I may have missed the event that I've been waiting for. Either way, it's mostly irrelevant. Seeing something along those lines is becoming a sure fire way to tell that you'll be reading about zombies and I hate to disappoint. This however is not really a part of the larger "Zombie Plan" series, but more accurately something I personally plan on doing in the midst of the Zombie Apocalypse while others are adhering to the plan. I'm sure that what you will read here will shock you in the fact that my Zombie Quest is completely at odds with the goals of our Zombie Plan, namely survival.

I've recently been telling people that once our plan has been put into action and we have fortified ourselves adequately that I plan to aim the stereo out the window, put on some serious metal and jump off the front balcony to go and inflict some Hollywood style carnage on the horde of walking corpses that are sure to gather at the entrance to our Zombie Fortress. Today, I've decided that this is no longer just something I'm joking about, I'm going to do it. Rather than just aim the speakers out the window, I'm going to arm myself with some personal speakers plugged into an MP3 player and make a serious effort to damage and mutilate things in the most picturesque and mind-blowingly awesome ways I can think of. In short, if I could film myself, I'm sure that it would be YouTube's most watched video. I'm hoping that I'll manage to rack up an impressive kill count and don't think I'll stop until I'm either too tired to keep going, my MP3 player goes flat or I just get eaten. Should be fun.

The thing here is that Survival and I aren't really the best of friends. There's not a single RPG game that I've played during which my character will enact some sort of near-suicidal plan designed to get everyone else out of the hopeless situation that threatens to doom us all. Sometimes it goes well and miracles happen, other times it leaves my character mutilated and in need of major surgery in the next 5 minutes or face the kind of death that is reserved for heroes in war movies and Shakespearian tragedies. Why is this even remotely relevant? Well mostly because I'm quite willing to do the same in my everyday life. It doesn't show through nearly as much, but it's there. When was the last time you had to be the last one out of a tunnel so that your group of friends would be sure the C4 detonated, destroying the cyborgs that were chasing you? Exactly my point, you don't get the same calibre of disaster in reality as you do in an RPG.


I'm sure that my massive martyr complex will kick in at the exact same time as the Zombie Apocalypse so the hard part of the plan for me will be not throwing myself on my sword until it will do some honest good. Fighting my way through hundreds of the undead to go get plain flour for some cookies that Frejak hoped to bake to raise moral when all we have in the cupboard is self-raising... not really the best reason to risk becoming zombie-chow, but in my mind, it's good enough. Let's just hope that my MP3 player is out of juice when that one hits. Still, given half a chance, I'll be willing to risk getting torn open to do some good for the team and that is my personal Zombie Quest.

-Salem
At least there will be more food for everyone, zombies included.

Zombie Research 101

Has this ever happened to you?

Well, this was interesting. Turns out that our very own Crumples has found 5 scientific reasons a zombie apocalypse could actually happen. On the whole, I like it. Sure the people doing it aren't taking it as seriously as they could (or should), but they were kind enough to link out to a number of other articles that illustrate the points that they were making.

At this stage, I think that option 2 (Neurotoxin) is looking like a pretty viable one, but not as violent as I would have expected. Option 3 (Rage Virus) is probably the one that seems the most credible to me but it would make the zombies tough customers indeed. Nobody wants fast zombies, as the article says, they're the worst of all the zombie types.

At the end of the day, I only hope that this will inspire Kahn in just the right way for him to finally get out there and get the zombie apocalypse ball rolling.

-Salem
Better hurry up man, I turn 30 in a few more years and I want to be at my peak for this!

World Zombie News

I'm starting to feel like it's my duty to keep everyone informed about the latest developments in world zombie events. Today, we have a new movie coming out. You can read some interesting info about surrounding events here. Now this movie, The Zombie Diaries, is being promoted as a work of fiction, but I've heard on the grape-vine that this may be more accurately called a documentary. I'll be heading along to see if these guys have anything that I can incorporate into my own zombie plan.

-Salem
Stay tuned for the Late Zombie News at 10:00pm. I'm Ron Burgundy?

Zombie Plan v1.1

Has this ever happened to you?

Well it still hasn't happened to me yet either. It's ok though, Zombie Plan v1.0 is still waiting in the wings. This is just a quick addendum so I can't be accused of forgetting anyone. Turns out that some of the people that have heard about our zombie plan are thinking that we may be on to something. That's fair because I can assure you that we are on to something. As such, we may have a more crowded house than I first thought. Our newest member, Sierra Julliette has decided that we're so well prepared that she'll be making her way over on her dirt-bike. I'm ok with this to be truthful. Anyone with even minor Moto-X abilities has a marketable skill when it comes to a zombie apocalypse. Let's hope she can make it to HQ without getting zombified. Good luck and welcome aboard.

We also may need to add one of my co-workers (I understands that she wishes to be known here as Crumples), this is mostly because I just don't trust the flimsy walls of her house to withstand even a glancing blow from a zombie baby, let alone a full sized one. The hard part here will be getting her through the door as our own zombie butler (a lovely chap that goes only by the name of Victor), creeps her out a bit and I can only see that getting worse during an assault from the walking dead. Still, she's tough, so I'm sure that when it comes time to decide which is worse, Victor or having her brains eaten, that she'll be able to overcome any misgivings about our butler.

With the extra newcomers, I'm sure we'll have to develop a few extra rules and maybe step up our supply raiding plans, but these are minor things. One of us will go into a bit of detail when we have a clearer idea of how the adjustments need to be handled. We're a capable kind of group so I think we're up to the challenge. My only worry now stems from a decreasing space-per-person outlook. I'm going to have to go with Frejak and Kahn though on this one as they are already formulating plans to bridge the gap between our own lovely home and the house nextdoor. Be sure to stay on the lookout for Zombie Plan v1.2 in the near future.

-Salem
Come to Zombaid! Help us raise funds to complete our Zombie Fort.

New Blood

So, Kahn told me that we have a new reader. This is just a quick welcome and "Hallelujah, we're getting through!". Ok, so it's not a big audience, but that's fine. If we manage to help even one person prepare for the zombie apocalypse, then that's one less zombie that we have to kill. I should mention that we here at MB actually endorse zombie killing and zombie apocalypses wherever we can. Let's face it people, we're violent by nature and zombie killing is really the only kind of people killing that can be unequivocally deemed legal.

This is getting off topic though. Welcome once again to our new reader. Hope you enjoy your stay here and please note that if you feel like your brain has been punched with a bright red swingline stapler wielded by an angry Muppet dressed in drag and whistling 'Crazy on you', then I have achieved the desired effect.

-Salem
I wish I had a picture of that Muppet, I really do.

Zombie Plan v1.0

Has this ever happened to you?

Well it hasn't happened to us yet, but dammit, we're not taking any chances! That's why we here at Morally Bankrupt have formulated our own Zombie Plan v1.0

This plan has been devised to keep us safe in the event of all but the most vigorous of zombie apocalypses. If we somehow end up with Ninja Zombies, then the only thing that we can hope for is that they start fighting with the Pirate Zombies or let's face it, we're all doomed. So assuming we suffer from a run-of-the-mill zombie apocalypse, at least we'll be safe. A shame about the rest of you, but you know... like, whatever.

The Plan
Step 1: Temporary Fortifications
This is the basic blocking of access points. The last thing you want it zombies clawing their way in through easily broken windows or doors. The place I share with Frejak, Kallisar and Kahn is rather sturdy, but does have a lot of glass in places. How do we fix that? Simple, we block doors to the library and Kahn's bedroom and barricade the doorway to the game room. You're probably wondering why we don't just board up the offending doors and windows in those rooms rather than just cutting them off. Our plan is based around a quick response time to an unexpected event. We don't just have a lot of boards and nails sitting around, waiting for the zombies to come. That would be a waste (right up to the apocalypse at any rate). For now, we use the bookshelves to block doors and the two pieces of Kahn's king sized bed base to block open doorways and the glass panel by the front door. Entry is now that much tougher for the zombie hoards.

Step 2: Organisation
Technically, this step will start during step 1 and continue during step 3. Organisation involves moving all the useful things from the game room and library upstairs. It may also include pulling up the scaffolding if it's still set up (if only they'd finish painting the house). Yes, it's just that simple. We are hoping that Frejak's sister and her partner will arrive sometime soon after the apocalypse starts, and if they're here, then they'll be helping to organise rationing and how best to go about step 4.

Step 3: Getting Supplies
This would probably be more accurately called "Robbing the hardware store and supermarket" but it doesn't make it sound as vital as it actually is. While we have a lot of weapons in the house already, we think we could stand for a few more and hardware stores are great for that. Kallisar has put in for chainsaws and nailguns and quite frankly, I have to agree. We also need the afore mentioned boards and nails anyhow so we can block up the access points a little better. We also have things like generators, solar panels, water pumps, air compressors, etc. on the list. Then it's off to the shops for food supplies. We're thinking that rather than hit a supermarket, we hit a lot of little corner stores and take-away shops. There's less likely to be crowds of people with similar survival ideas at small shops. We're one step ahead of the masses though and that's why we'll be laughing at all the zombies while the rest of you are... well, zombies, like this.
Step 4: Refortification
Now we have the hardware, we fix out defenses. This may require us to push a few zombies back out of the house to reclaim the rooms we blocked off earlier in step 1, but that's ok. We should now have a secure house and that gives us a lot of space. Best part is that the balconies will make great defense platforms. I have hopes that we'll be able to use some 7 ply to board up the front of the balcony railings, pack newspapers as tightly and as desnsely as posible between the rails and finish off the back of the sandwich with some more 7 ply. In fact, I'd like to do that to all the windows downstairs as well. Again, you may be wondering why. I expect to be beset by the occasional non-zombie raiding party and the ply-and-paper is a fairly effective and rather easy to put together way to stop projectiles. Damn we're good at this!

Step 5: More Supplies
At this point, we go out on small raiding trips to pick up slightly less essential, but extremely hand items. There's a police station not to far from our place, so we're thinking that if there aren't any police around, we may borrow some of their equipment (radios, any spare riot gear, weapons, donuts, etc.). There will also be trips to get as much food as we can find with an eye to long lasting items. We want to hit a nursery (the plant kind, not the sticky children kind) so that we can perhaps look at growing our own food. There's a hydroponics store close by, so that's going to get raided. Other things such as rainwater tanks will also be added during this stage if possible. Hospital goods will also be raided. We have a choice I think of about 3 hospitals.

Step 6: Settling In
We should have most of what we need and so now it's just a matter of setting up the last few bits and pieces and adjusting to our new lifestyle. I'll probably go out on zombie whacking duties every day or two. Frejak will probably want to go too, but I don't know if that would happen or not. We have a 'Couples' rule that states when leaving the safety of our home/base, either both go or neither of them go. This is so that if one of them dies, the other is there to see it. Sounds cruel doesn't it? The idea behind it is that if they're both there when one dies (which we're hoping doesn't happen), the other will not be able to blame any of the other survivors for their loss and thus are less likely to destabalise the group. Pretty grim, but these would be grim times.

So there you have it. We have much more detail in our plan than I've written here, but you can see we've thought this through. Bring on the zombies! We're ready, are you?

-Salem
I'm hoping that we get dancing zombies like in Thriller!

Zombie Plan v1.1 can be found here.