Has this ever happened to you?
Well I'm sure hoping that it hasn't or I may have missed the event that I've been waiting for. Either way, it's mostly irrelevant. Seeing something along those lines is becoming a sure fire way to tell that you'll be reading about zombies and I hate to disappoint. This however is not really a part of the larger "Zombie Plan" series, but more accurately something I personally plan on doing in the midst of the Zombie Apocalypse while others are adhering to the plan. I'm sure that what you will read here will shock you in the fact that my Zombie Quest is completely at odds with the goals of our Zombie Plan, namely survival.
I've recently been telling people that once our plan has been put into action and we have fortified ourselves adequately that I plan to aim the stereo out the window, put on some serious metal and jump off the front balcony to go and inflict some Hollywood style carnage on the horde of walking corpses that are sure to gather at the entrance to our Zombie Fortress. Today, I've decided that this is no longer just something I'm joking about, I'm going to do it. Rather than just aim the speakers out the window, I'm going to arm myself with some personal speakers plugged into an MP3 player and make a serious effort to damage and mutilate things in the most picturesque and mind-blowingly awesome ways I can think of. In short, if I could film myself, I'm sure that it would be YouTube's most watched video. I'm hoping that I'll manage to rack up an impressive kill count and don't think I'll stop until I'm either too tired to keep going, my MP3 player goes flat or I just get eaten. Should be fun.
The thing here is that Survival and I aren't really the best of friends. There's not a single RPG game that I've played during which my character will enact some sort of near-suicidal plan designed to get everyone else out of the hopeless situation that threatens to doom us all. Sometimes it goes well and miracles happen, other times it leaves my character mutilated and in need of major surgery in the next 5 minutes or face the kind of death that is reserved for heroes in war movies and Shakespearian tragedies. Why is this even remotely relevant? Well mostly because I'm quite willing to do the same in my everyday life. It doesn't show through nearly as much, but it's there. When was the last time you had to be the last one out of a tunnel so that your group of friends would be sure the C4 detonated, destroying the cyborgs that were chasing you? Exactly my point, you don't get the same calibre of disaster in reality as you do in an RPG.
I'm sure that my massive martyr complex will kick in at the exact same time as the Zombie Apocalypse so the hard part of the plan for me will be not throwing myself on my sword until it will do some honest good. Fighting my way through hundreds of the undead to go get plain flour for some cookies that Frejak hoped to bake to raise moral when all we have in the cupboard is self-raising... not really the best reason to risk becoming zombie-chow, but in my mind, it's good enough. Let's just hope that my MP3 player is out of juice when that one hits. Still, given half a chance, I'll be willing to risk getting torn open to do some good for the team and that is my personal Zombie Quest.
-Salem
At least there will be more food for everyone, zombies included.
1 comment:
bake???? oh dear am I going to have to learn? :P
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